Monday, June 25, 2007

Joanne Has Gone To Be With The Lord Today














My dear relatives, friends, ex-colleagues, prayer warriors, and loved ones of

Joanne Kwan Foong Kuem,

please note that she has gone to be with the Lord as of 6:45pm this evening.

Wake will be held at: Void Deck, Block 113 Depot Road (Opposite HP Building, Depot Road)

Nightly Services at 8:00pm
Tuesday, 26 June (English)
Wednesday, 27 June (English & Mandarin)


Cortege will leave on:
Thursday, 28 June 2007 @ 3:30pm for Mandai Crematorium Hall 2 for cremation at 4:30pm.

NO WREATHS PLEASE, ALL DONATIONS TO BE MADE TO WESLEY METHODIST CHURCH, THANK YOU.



"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31


Sunday, June 24, 2007

Cancer Is So Limited...

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.

- Author Unknown -

By His Strength



Since Wednesday, I think I've clocked about 8 hours of sleep at most.
Thursday & Friday was really tough as she was uncomfortable all round.
I should clock more today, cos' she's a little better.




Jo's Funny Side

The funny thing about my dearest is that even in her dreams and mild hallucinations -its about food. She was forcibly angry @ 3:00am this morning when she couldn't get her Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Ice Blended Mocha! Ha ha ha. And of course being the blur guy I am, I mistook this for coffee ice cream which she wanted. I searched the Net for ice cream from the local coffee joints but didn't find any and so in frustration I drove off to get the Haagen Daz ice-cream coffee flavour. Wow, she was upset that it wasn't ice blended and then it only dawned upon me then. By the way she was rattling off from 3:00am all the way till she got it @ 8:30am...amazing!

A half hour later, she asked for Slurpee from 7-11...somehow I shouldn't have gotten it cos' it didn't do her any good...sheesh!

I'm Bilingual
She's also taken to speaking in Chinese/Mandarin on occasion and this has made our communication more interesting. I'm effectively communicating to her in both English and Chinese these days, something I've not done before. Those who know me know how great my command of the second language is. God has a great sense of humour :)

The Fridge
Always stocked with Soya Bean, Ribena, Orange Juice, Ensure (Vanilla @ Strawberry), Lemon Barley drinks all in tetrapak form. The Freezer has 3 varieties of Haagen Daz - Vanilla, Coffee, Strawberry. 3 sticks of Solero and some Japanese ice cream Jessica bought.

Today (Saturday)

It's 2:48am and I've just cleaned her tailbone wound. Again totally exhausted. It was harrowing because I had to reason with her to lie a certain way if not it would be near impossible to dress the wound. Understanding that this was difficult for her too as she was experiencing pains in different angles. Always happens during my watch. I think I shouldn't have problems putting "Male Nurse" on my CV in the future. I will probably need to get her a bed pan. Her strength is being sapped by the day...going to the loo is too stressful for her and for me.

Pastor Wendy Watson and Wai Leng.
Both of them first visited us @ Ward 48 1 week back.
And since Wednesday, they've been my other "mobile comfort team" - not only coming by to share and pray, but to provide dinner:

Wed - Don Pies x 2 (Chicken & Shepherd's Pie)
Thur - Oxtail Soup and Bread! (Home made!)
Fri - Herbal Chicken and Rice!

Am truly grateful and speechless, but as I've said before I've learned to accept help and food...especially (wink!) Just kidding. Seriously I'll call if I need anything. Am no longer shy, in fact I've become alot like Jo - I'll tell you specifically what I want and you better get it!

In Gratitude
Laureen, thanks for the gifts.
My Oz prayer team: Dora, Steve, Kin Wai and Diana, thank you all for your prayers and concerns.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

A Whole New Routine

Sorry for the delay, you folks probably knew it was an extremely tough week for me, but by His Grace, I've made it through in one piece.

Updates first...
Jo was resting fine from Monday to Tuesday, sleeping nearly most of the day. From Wednesday to Thursday, she was all uncomfortable and the worse part was that she began vomiting again.

Monday was really tough and I got bros from my cell group to come over to pray in the evening.

She also wanted to sleep in the living room sofa, which was quite a monumental task given the fact that she hardly has any strength. All this had to happen at 1:30am on Wednesday morning. I had to lift her up and put her down in my study chair which had wheels, then pushed her to the living room.

Since Jo doesn't have energy to lift a cup, we (Jessica and MIL) have to be constantly by her side 24x7. I've decided to keep a journal to ensure Jessica and MIL are kept informed on the past/previous days activities. The following is Thursday's account which was the toughest so far:

815am - Banana smoothie
830am - Vomited out
850am - Draining: 400ml
920am - Changed Duoderm dressing.
1020am - Vomited and brushed teeth
1130am - Nurse Tan came by to assist in realigning the cope loop extension
245pm - Vomited after Motilium
530pm - Vomited after MST (Morphine tablet)
715pm - Draining: 800ml
1000pm - Vomited after water
1030pm - Had pink ice cubes (made by Jess)
10:50pm - Toilet break
11:30pm - Vomited again. Changed top, pillows.

MIL comes in the mornings as mentioned.
Jessica comes over in the afternoon to assist MIL.
I typically will work from home mornings and leave for work/meetings in the afternoon when required.

Again, I thank God for their help since I'm at least able to catch up on sleep in the afternoon when needed.

Pastor Wendy Watson has been another God sent. I'll share more in my next entry. Okay, got to run, she's calling! :)

God Bless my friends and thank you for all the encouragement, kind words, songs and support across the globe... much more than us being a testimony, God had send you to us likewise. Amen.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Updates

I must apologise to all, but all visitations will be limited for now.

At this stage, Jo
- can hardly walk or stand
- is very weak
- is extremely tired all day
- she sleeps some 22 hours a day and wakes occasionally
- is on liquid diet as she's been on the last 2 weeks

The water is still draining quite well @ 2 litres per day.
We've also got a nurse and doctor (from the Assissi Home) that makes visitations at least once a week to oversee Jo's condition.

Jessica and MIL are here the next 2 days to help me with my busy schedule for this short time being. I just want to get through this week...

Please pray for His Will to be done in her life. Please pray for Jessica, FIL and MIL cos' I know it's extremely tough with them as it is for me.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Do I Trust You (Twila Paris)

This "oldie" is truly one of my favourites. Heard it back in my teenage days and it's never left my music bank since. So simple, so real. Twila's music comes straight from her heart from God.
Do I Trust You is our song, and I especially like the verse that says"I will trust you Lord, when I don't know why"



Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

V&P

We first met P, a malay mother of four 3 weeks back when Jo was admitted into Ward 48. She was in the bed directly opposite Jo's. It was her first time doing chemo. She had lymphoma. As with all first timers, their entire families were present.

Just last Monday she was warded back into the same room as us.
She had come down with fever from her chemo treatment.
Her hair was dropping a fair bit too.

She kept asking what was with Jo and didn't understand when I said that she was off chemo indefinitely. Not that she had recovered, but simply because she could no longer handle it. Anyway, I kept a cool and cheerful face each time I spoke with her...to the extend I felt like a doctor, not wanting to give away the slightest hint of bad news. Tough.

She was always cheerful. This time, as the fatigue of chemo treatment weakened her...she was resting quite often. Her children were all grown up.

V
The day of our discharge was the first time I spoke with V.
She looked young. Youthful in fact.
I asked God why there were so many young people stricken with cancer recently.
I just can't understand it.

I had a good long chat with her that morning.
She'd just been diagnosed with lymphoma like P and was warded to begin chemo treatment.

So just when you think Jo and my life is tough,
V's just blew me away.
She's got a 10 month old and a wonderful family.

I can only find pure joy in the fact that she and her husband are believers.
Amen to that.

V if you're reading this, I know how very difficult it is for you and your family.
You need to remain ever strong and faithful.
Our God is always with us, that you must never forget.
He will see you through this.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Home at Last!

Jo woke up early this morning around 2:30am and told me she'd been having very strange dreams. Each time she would impersonate some character like an Indian Raja or Italian person etc. I can only assume that the lack of food intake and medication are beginning to cause her mind to play tricks with itself.

I prayed and ask Jesus to cast out all demonic influence in the ward and/or around her. We asked for protection over her thought life and her mind. We surrendered and submitted all these to God. We recited Psalms 23 over and over and reflected on Romans 8:38-39 on Christ's immense love for us.

Then she slept so soundly till Dr Leong woke us up @ 7:35am.

The cope loop still leaks after the stitching, though not very much. The nurse has attached a small bag to this area.

We hired an ambulance @ 1pm, after receiving tons of medication from the pharmacist, we checked out of the hospital...saying our farewells to our fellow patient friends and nurses we'd made over the last 1 week.

Back Home
We got her comfortably settled into bed.
Jo has certainly shed alot of weight.

For lunch she wanted "ice cocktail jelly", and so off I went to Henderson Crescent to get this from her fav stall.

For dinner, we made her a strawberry, banana+ vanilla Ensure smoothie. That's all she can take in these days. Solid foods are still out of the question.

Washed her up, took her medications and then read her a few passages from Streams in the Desert followed by reciting through our fav verses. She was soon off to sleep.

May our good Lord shower His mercy and love upon her daily.

Jesus Will Still Be There (Point Of Grace)















Things change
Plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise
Hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough...

Jesus will still be there
His love will never change
Sure as a steady rain
Jesus will still be there
When no one else is true
He'll still be loving you
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there

Time flies
Hearts turn
A little bit wiser form lessons learned
But sometimes
Weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough...

When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there

Friday, June 15, 2007

Finally...We're Goin Home...

I think we're going home, I pray we should be home the same time tomorrow when I blog.

The cope loop tube was leaking at the point of entry at the abdomen for the last 3 days and doc had suggested to make an additional stitch to tighten up the hole. They did this this morning and seems like it's fine so far, no leakage.

I was tasked to learn the dressing of the cope loop. This had to be done at least twice a week to ensure it was sterile to prevent any possible infection. The handwashing part of the preparation was enough to drive me nuts. There was a 7 step handwashing procedure which had to be followed religiously...and coming from a human bug like me...you can be certain it was just so so hard for me to follow. But I did!

Then you've got all this dressing and swaps and sticky stuff which you got to be so delicate with...a real challenge for me. The last time I did first aid was in the army and I nearly put my Sergeant in a state of shock.

Jo seemed better today. MIL came at 8.45am to relieve me and I went home to complete some work and run errands for Jo. She had mentioned that she'd like to try the Ensure Smoothie, so I went off to buy Ensure Banana and Vanilla flavour from NUH and Del Monte bananas from the Isetan supermart. On reaching home I threw a couple of bananas in with 1 pack of Ensure (Banana flavour) along with several ice cubes into the blender. Wah la! Banana Smoothie, Ensure style in no time!

I poured the mixture into a Thermos flask and served it to her and she loved it! I was really overjoyed that she could take this in. For starters, this concoction had at least 250 kcal per packet not including the fresh bananas. It was real good stuff for her. Also, she'd been retching the last 3 days for no real rhyme or reason. It's so mental that at the slightest mentioning of some sort of food, she would go into this retching mode.

She had a little corn soup from MOS this evening and further sips of the Banana Smoothie.

We've booked an ambulance to bring her home tomorrow at noon. Hopefully we'll be able to check out earlier.

Tomorrow is day 11, a new record.

7Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. 8You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. 9Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! 10Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. James 5:7-11

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Not Out Yet

Jo was having aches all over last night.
Stomach still a little bloated mainly from air within.
Water is flowing well @ max of 2 liters per day.
This is done at gradual intervals throughout the day.

Doc just did her rounds.
Jo will not be out yet until this is resolved.
Doc said that they'll try to get out air and any stools stuck in her tummy.

I've no problem with this...though God has given us what a wonderful view from the Ward, I still miss home.

As for Jo, guess she was a little upset that it's not over yet.

Praise to God for a Living Hope - 1 Peter 1:3-9 (New International Version)
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

12 June 2007

Today marks our 1 week in SGH.
A couple more days and we would've set a new record for longest stay in any hospital thus far.

Jo rested well last evening.
No major situations.
Was very glad.
Gave thanks as always.

I was only anticipating that we could have been discharged today, but she had to stay for further observation. Just to be absolutely certain that she would be fine when discharged.

Water was released this morning measuring some 500ml.

Jo however still felt a little nauseous (thanks to DD and Jotan for highlighting the error), thank God she didn't vomit or retch so far. Appetite was a little better. Last night she had some duck noodles (perhaps the only edible item at the SGH kopitiam) and cheng thng plus etc etc. Today she had a little bee hoon and fav Solero lime ice cream.

May brought tomato soup and garlic bread. Kett as usual, brought sandwiches and bread from the Provence Bakery & Cafe at Holland Village along with chicken rice for me. Really nice stuff at Provence if you've not tried it.

Jo's stomach is still a little bloated, mainly from gas within. Dr Leong had suggested some sort of enema to release the air if it's still bothering her.

Well, a quiet day so far. Managed to steal an hour and half away to the office to complete some paperwork. Am really thankful for such a working environment along with an understanding boss and all.

3 patients were discharged when I returned to the ward. Only Jo and MIL was present. It seemed really strange to see a room devoid of patients except one. And just as soon as I'd said this, the beds were once again filled. Cancer is a no. 1 medical problem and I hope all of us will remain diligent in maintaining regular health checks for this.

The poor malay lady opposite Jo was in tears this afternoon after returning from an operation. It seemed that the doc had made an error (?) and needed to redo the procedure again. Just tried my best in consoling her and her husband with my limited but legible Malayu.

May God watch over all who are suffering and grant them peace.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Cope Loop - What A Success!

How should I start today's entry...?

It started off quite well. Got woken up by Dr Leong's visit at 815am. She said that the procedure would take place sometime later today and that it would be quick (between 30-45 mins) and pain free.

Jo was still mainly tired the rest of the day. The very painful thing however was that in the process running up to the procedure at 445pm, she was pricked over and over again, and that was just excruciating.

As you know Jo simply has insufficient good veins for any sort of infusion. The last 3 years of chemo have battered them near dry. So, the nurse said that they needed to do 2 things: a) Place a plug for the cope loop procedure b) take blood samples for a blood test.

When I heard this, I was about to do a double back somersault flip. But it was something that needed to be done...unfortunately. Her left arm is already bloated due to water retention and now her right was gradually showing signs of this too. The nurse managed to put the plug into her right hand but was unable to draw blood. The next best thing she could do was to draw blood from her legs! At first she tried her right, but since it was bloated too it was near impossible. Then she succeeded in the left. Arrghh, this was so painful for Jo that tears just started to roll...

The Procedure
She was wheeled into the op room at 445pm, and it lasted barely 30 mins. CS was with me throughout and it was great to have had his company. As I've said many times, God sents His people at the most opportune time.

She looked so much better when she was wheeled out and the best part of it was that she was smiling! My heart was just lifted. A thousand burdens released.

So she now has on one end - a tube attached to the right side of her abdomen and on the other - a plastic see through water bag with measurements up to 1800 ml.

I want to thank Pastor Wendy Watson and her friend for visiting and buying me Hock Lam beef ball noodles (the first ever from a Pastor :) Also Pastor Alvin for popping by during lunch. You folks are the best.

Angeline, CS, SC, DD & SL - thank you for just being there. Charmaine & Tim, thank you for your kind gesture, we will keep your families in our prayers.

After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:
"Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward." Genesis 15:1

Sunday, June 10, 2007

At The Cross (Hillsong Live - Mighty to Save Album)

Mighty Morphine

Jo was in a lot of discomfort most of yesterday afternoon. The bloatedness was getting unbearable so much so that she was in a semi-fit - wriggling and moaning. Thank God this was resolved when the morphine level was upped one notch.

She is on Morphine infusion @ 0.5ml per hour. It was at 0.3ml originally.

It was helpful in relieving the pain in the tummy and at her bum. She's got a sore there caused by her sharp tail bone which she seats on daily.

Anyway, the good news is that she was finally able to sleep some 13 hours from 6:30pm yesterday till 7am this morning. Amen for that.

With more Morphine means she gets more drowsy and sleepy, but importantly the pain is kept at bay. They changed the drip from the left to the right arm as the veins weren't very good. In fact she now has a bloated left arm due to water retention.

Please pray that the cope loop goes well tomorrow. The bloatedness all around will be reduced, so with her left arm.

Thank you for your prayers.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Every Heart That Is Breaking (Twila Paris)

This song ministered to me this evening,. Just realising that we're not the only ones going thru suffering but millions over in the world are. Let us keep them all in our prayers.

For the young abandoned husband
Left alone without a reason
For the pilgrim in the city
Where there is no home

For the son without a father
For his solitary mother
I have a message

He sees you
He knows you
He loves you
He loves you

Every heart that is breaking tonight
Is the heart of a child
That He holds in His sight
And oh, how He longs
To hold in His arms
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Every heart that is breaking tonight

For the precious fallen daughter
For her devastated father
For the prodigal who's dying
In a strange new way

For the child who's always hungry
For the patriot with no country
I have a message

He sees you
He knows you
He loves you
Jesus loves you

Every heart that is breaking tonight
Is the heart of a child
That He holds in His sight
And oh, how He longs
To hold in His arms
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Every heart that is breaking tonight

For every heart

Ward 48

We've finally moved back to Ward 48 yesterday where it's "fan-con" and not air-conditioned. Thank God for that.

Ward 74
It was really impossible sleeping in Ward 74. Jo was stacked with 3 blankets and I'd been shivering trying to squeeze myself onto 2 chairs as my makeshift bed. Unfortunately our bed was next to an old lady who seemed to have a little dementia. She kept calling me "Ah Pek, Ah Pek" ("old man"?) throughout the whole day (and night!) while we were there, poor lady and poor me. I could barely catch a wink...it was rather eerie also when she did that at night. :)

Back @ Ward 48, the cheeriness of the nurses were quite evident and they instantly recognised us once again. The ward is extremely airy and her bed is right next to the window which gives us added privacy and view to a wonderful skyline at 8 floors up.

Jo had a good rest yesterday sleeping a fair bit.
She started on some corn soup and bread bits from the MOS Burger outlet along with her favourite Solero ice-cream. Doc said that ice-cream's good for her. Still not on any solids yet.

Her stomach is still bloated and her breathlessness correlates with this discomfort.
This morning she was in excruciating pain when they administered Senna. This was to aid her intestine movement but seems like it had the opposite effect. We were really glad that SGH/NCC has got Palliative Docs that make the rounds. 2 of them were present this morning to ensure proper pain management was done. Dr Kalit and his colleague explained and recommended another drug to resolve the stomach aches.

Abdominal Tap Done
Dr Tien extracted 2 litres from her tummy on Thursday. The largest amount so far. But it seems that the water accumulates very quickly as they observed her stomach over the short period after.

Cope Loop
We will be here at least till Tuesday. Come Monday they will perform the cope loop procedure on her. This is where they attach a permanent water bag to her lower left abdomen so that the water extraction will be constant. Us caregivers will also need to be trained on how to maintain this.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Back @ SGH

Yes, we're back @ SGH once again after yesterday's episode.
We checked in yesterday afternoon to Ward 74 since the Oncology Ward 48 was full at this time. Though this was sort of an upgrade we didn't enjoy it one bit because of the freezing temperatures! It's like winter here!

Anyway Jo's on a non-eating plan until her tummy fully recovers.
Good news is that the retching has stopped.

However early this morning there was another "episode" of breathlessness that scared me once again. After placing the plasma bag for transfusion, Jo suddenly complained of breathing difficulties. Oh no, not again...I prayed! But it gradually got worsed and a heart rate hit something like 150 bpm. After a dose of morphin and over 2 hours, she gradually calmed down...phew... Docs still don't have a conclusion to why this happened, but chances are she had a rare reaction to the plasma.

She's supposed to be transferred back to Ward 48 shortly. Just pray that its not a midnight move or something.

She'll need more rest, so don't bother visiting just yet...I'll keep ya all notified. Thanks.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Vomiting Blood

Jo had hardly been eating since Monday.
She's been nauseas, wretching, bloated and tired.
Her tail bone is hurting.
She vomited bile yesterday.

She now sleeps in bed in a near upright position,
over layers of pillow and relieve cushions.
She can't lie flat in any way for she'll become breathless.

Early just this morning, she was nauseas again and vomited blood.
My heart cringed and I went into semi-panic mode.
I prayed and prayed and prayed,
I cried and cried and cried.

We were listening to Pastor Benny's "Armour of God" (Ephesians 6)
He said that us Christians should not live a defeated life.
And then Jo said she was at Peace.
Peace with God.

For hours we poured our hearts out,
We reminised the past -
Of how we first met,
The happiest times we've had,
and of what was to come.

It seemed so surreal,
Like a really bad dream.
I told myself over and over again.
This can't be happening.

And then God spoke to me,
"He said all that which I have given and provided for you,
Is but entrusted to Your care.
You are the guardian, but I am the owner.
So take good care of what I have entrusted you,
For there will be a time I will come to claim it."

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The "A" Team

We've had an incredible God sent team supporting us all this time.
First and foremost, father-in law, mom-in law and Jessica have been at our call 24x7.

FIL (at 74 years!) has been buying lunch regularly for Jo and myself. MIL has been dishing up her wonderful dinners nearly daily for us too. Jessica, has been getting all sorts of stuff and importantly cooking her first class chawan-mushi that's attained Jo's 5 star review.

Then there is the other support team (I like the term A Team better) working behind the scenes always praying, ever giving and unconditionally loving us. Just reflecting on this has made us feel so Blessed and truly loved. That's what Paul (the Apostle) mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12 isn't it, that the body is a unit though made up of many parts. Truly astounding when you see friends and family all garner together for a single cause.

Wow. Thank You God!

They have been doing the following:

- giving us a shoulder or two to cry on
- listening to us
- buying and delivering food (minestrone & garlic bread, japanese food, chicken soup, the list goes on)
- delivering CDs (audio sermons)
- running errands
- doing groceries
- coming by to pray
- ready to chaperone Jo @ home
- helping with our domestic paperwork
- donating platelets
- encouraging us through SMS-es and thru this Blog

Also, MIL had decided to leave her job to tag team with me to look after Jo full time since last Friday. I had suggested a week back while at SGH that I really needed more help moving forward and it seems she was glad to have me request this. Typically she'll come by as and when I'm out to watch over Jo. I am so grateful for that.

I know many more want to help and both Jo and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts. But really, leave me to contact you because we are not "pai seh" (shy) one. Trust me, when the time comes you will be "activated" accordingly and you better be ready :)

One thing I have learnt about being a caregiver is:
a. It requires stamina
b. It demands sensitivity
c. It involves help from others. Never trying to be a "Rambo"

God Bless and Thank you all.

Monday, June 04, 2007

In Christ Alone (Brian Littrell)

An all time favourite that speaks of our total trust in Him.

Chorus:
In Christ alone, I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross.

Verse:
In every vic-tor-y let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone.

Artist: Brian LittrellCopyright Credits: Shawn Craig, Don Koch ©1990 Paragon Music Corporation (Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc., 741 Cool Springs Blvd., Franklin TN 37067) CCLI song #841440

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Our Journey: Scaling the Mountain

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be fine with you;And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,Nor will the flame burn you.For I am the Lord your
God."
We are now at the phase of our Journey where we're scaling a steep part of the mountain.

In fact we began the ascent, as I sit back and reflect, some 6 months back with the first occurence of Jo's back pain.

We don't know how much farther there is to climb before we reach the summit, but it's been lengthy and tough...really tough. At this point, we can't see all the way up but we can see quite a bit of how far we've come.

For those who know me, I've got a natural fear of heights or acrophobia. I don't know how this developed but it must have happened during one of the inter-island flights I took while I was studying overseas. So climbing let alone mountain climbing is the last thing on my mind and perhaps to me - a mindless life endangering activity which can be hardly considered as recreational.

April 19, 2007 - A night I'll never forget.

I usually never have Jo out of sight for too long, but this evening she had ventured into the bedroom and it was quiet for awhile. I thought she could've beenin the toilet, but I was sure I never heard any toilet flushing or water flowing from the taps.

I walked into the bedroom to check. The lights were off except for the glow of the toilet lights streaming into the bedroom.

There she was, huddled in a corner at the edge of the bed sitting on the floor, sobbing away...I rushed immediately toward her and gave her a hug as we sat silently. We knew each other's thoughts, we knew our hearts were strained and our tears were jointly flowing as if two streams coming together as one.

The reality is that her situation has gotten serious. In fact, it was serious since the recurrence in 2004.

Just last Tuesday morning, Dr Leong pulled me aside when she made her morning rounds. She told me that looking at the latest reports/results of Jo's X-rays and blood tests. She may no longer be suitable for the NUH clinical trial and to be prepared for the worst. It was bad news, but nothing all too surprising from the development of things over the past months...the bloatedness, water in the lungs etc.

That night, we decided to lay everything before the foot of the Cross - our fears, grief, worry, anxiety, thanksgiving and confession about everything we thought was hindering our walk with God. We got rid of things in the house that could be strongholds by the devil. We reaffirmed out Faith in Christ and it took off a whole load of our burdens.We decided importantly, to work on our Will too.

No, we're not giving up in anyway! Simply acknowledging the inevitable. It's extremely hard when you realise that Jo and I have dreams and hopes we grieve for:
a. not being able to retire together
b. not being able to travel/vacate to our favourite locations (mainly island beach resorts...with good sand and clear blue waters!)
c. never having kids (which we love so much)
d. not being able to be parents
e. not being able to check out foodie places that Jo loves

We continue to pray for a miracle daily. We believe that God is omnipotent and can accomplish what He wants, whenever He wants without any need for man's intervention. God can heal in response to prayer whenever He chooses to do so.

Can God heal? Yes! Do all get healed? No!

So the question at the end of the day is "what is His Will for Joanne?" And what does He desire for Joanne to accomplish through this? We need to be mindful that God's Will for us supercedes all things. Just as in the book of Jonah, we see Jonah running away from God because he didn't want to go to a far away land but eventually does so because of God. We don't have the answers but we've seen one thing for sure, that many are being touched by Christ in following us on our journey.

Having said all that, we aren't climbing alone for sure. We have a Master Climber that guides and leads us every step of the way, he knows every thing there is to climb this mountain be it crossing a crevice or scaling the side of a steep rock wall with no hand or foothold in sight.
We need to realise that sometimes the Master Climber may not always be by our side but instead ahead or above us searching for the right path to climb. However we are ALWAYS tethered to Him (with a rope) and He IS with us.

Ultimately, our lives are in the palm of God's hand. Whether we live or die, we are the Lord's (Romans 14:8) and therein lies our victory!

The Great Race (from Strength for the Journey)

“Run in such a way as to get the prize” 1 Corinthians 9:24

The month of June brings many sure signs of summer: the sweet smell of cut grass, soft breezes, picnics, fireflies, thunderstorms—and runners. This unique breed of humanity, forced to run circles in cramped indoor quarters during the North American winter, emerges with the first hint of spring and spends the summer dashing through neighborhoods and parks.

I have nothing against runners. Some of my best friends are addicted runners. Though I have never seen a runner smiling, apparently there is something fulfilling about it. I even tried it once, waiting for that surge of ecstasy that my friends told me I would experience, only to find that the ecstasy came when I stopped running!

So, whatever you think about running, it’s important to note that the Bible often speaks of living the Christian life as if it we were running a race. Following Jesus is clearly more than a leisurely stroll in the park! And the issue is not whether you will run the race. When you became His follower, you were put in the race. The question is not will you run, but how will you run?

So, here are three keys to running well.

First, stay in shape! I like Paul’s perspective in 1 Corinthians 9:24: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” In other words, you need to be in it to win, and, like any race, winning requires discipline. As spiritual runners, we must discipline ourselves in the exercise and dietary habits of prayer and reading God’s Word. Drinking at the fountain of prayer and digesting the food of God’s Word gives us strength and motivation to run and win.

Secondly, obey the rules! Like all races, running to win means staying in the boundaries. Paul committed himself to living his life by God’s rules. He did not want to be “disqualified for the prize” (v.27). As good runners, we embrace the rules and gladly submit to them.

Thirdly, run light! As Hebrews 12:1 instructs us, we are to lay aside every hindering weight and the sin that so easily besets us. What is it that distracts you and what is the sin that slows you down? Take them off and run light!

And finally, a couple more tips. Hebrews 12:1 also tells us to be willing to persevere. Our race is more than a few laps around the track—it’s a long-distance marathon. And let’s face it, this marathon can be stressful. Sometimes it’s the wind of life blowing against us—or mud kicked in our face from the runner in front of us. But whatever the case, runners that win never give up!

And keep your eyes on the finish line. Jesus is there! When you run for the honor and glory of His name, He reaches out with the victor’s crown and says, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

In my book, that’s worth running for!

YOUR JOURNEY…

Read 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.
Would you say that you are running “aimlessly,” or are you competing for the “crown that will last forever”?

Read Hebrews 12:1-3.
What things hinder and entangle you, and how do you intend to throw them off? What does Paul say to do so that you will not “grow weary and lose heart”?

In Paul’s parting words to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, he says that he is not the only one who will be awarded by the Lord. How does that encourage you to keep running for the prize?

Friday, June 01, 2007

Home Finally

Jo's finally discharged this afternoon, and we just got home at 3:00pm...phew!

Certainly glad to be home once again.

She didn't sleep well last night, must've been because I squeezed on the tiny bed with her :)

Nausea's almost gone, a little breathless but otherwise in much better condition.

She's now knocked out on her very comfortable Stressless Chair.

I'm gonna chill for awhile and blog a little more tonite.

God Bless ya all.