"You Are Faithful"

A long long time ago today,
A man was betrayed and rejected by the ones He loved.
That man was beaten, flogged, mocked and spat upon.

He was given a crown of thorns.
He was nailed to the Cross.
He suffered and died for You and Me.
That man is Jesus - our Saviour.

Let's remember this most important event in history.
Following is a wonderful song sung in service this evening that so aptly speaks of God's faithfulness...

You Are Faithful (Nan & Dennis Allen)

"The harder I fall, the greater Your mercy.
The farther I run, the longer Your reach.
The darker my way, the brighter Your face shines on me.

The deeper my pain, the greater Your healing.
The stronger my will, the sweeter Your love.
The smaller my prayer, the harder You listen to me.

The longer I stay, the better I know You.
The more that I know, the clearer I see.
Lord You are all, You're all that I ever need.

For your arm is long, Your love is deep.
Your watchful eye never sleeps.
When all others reject me, You never leave me alone.

A Father can never deny His own. You are faithful.
You are faithful.
For You are faithful.

Ashley - The Little Girl Who Loved

And so the story continues... Willin had wrapped the book in a nice Christmas themed wrapper.

Little did I know that what lay beneath its pages would be so heart warming and sad yet so reminiscent of Jo.

You see the book was written by Ms Heng San San, mother of Ashley who had since passed away. Ashley was a bubbly girl, so full of life and energy. She enjoyed the stuff that little kids liked - swimming, running, dancing, skipping... But most of all, she enjoyed FOOD. She liked trying new foods and baking some of them, with mum's help of course.

You can read the article in the link above or here in Asiaone

Went I reached home and read thru the book,
I was tearing uncontrollably.

My heart was broken because of the loss I had read...and obviously because it was a near mirror reflection of Jo. One was 7, the other 37. Both suffered a great deal and yet rose thru the ordeal because of their deep rooted faith in our Heavenly Father.

She too loved to eat and bake. I still remember the Yellow Kitchen-Aid mixer I'd gotten for her in the early days. She was awestruck and so happy. Her favourite recipes were cookies, Tiramisu, cheese cake, lemon and orange drizzle pound cakes.

Joanne would in her better days (between chemo treatments) call her girlfriends over to bake or cook in our home. They would try their fav recipes from the ABC's Delicious or BBC's Good Food magazines.

Jo loved food and she loved to try new restaurants.

I leave you with the backcover write up of the book..

“There was once a little girl who loved everything about food.” And thus begins the charming story of Ashley, whose great love for all things associated with
food - simple or fancy - offers an amusing peek into her world of innocent
single-mindedness.

When her ability to enjoy what used to be an integral source of nourishment, comfort and indulgence was gradually diminished, Ashley showed that her irrepressible spirit in the face of a debilitating illness was rooted in an understanding of an even greater love: God’s love for her. Her unequivocal belief in a loving God makes for a tender story that is tinged with longing as well as unparalleled hope.

This poignant story of a little girl who loved food and foremost, God, will appeal to readers of all ages as it celebrates what it means to rise above our situations with courage and extraordinary grace.

To buy the book Ashley, priced at $25,email inquiries to: bookashley@gmail.com

Proceeds go to the Philippines to fund education programmes for children in poverty.

Dining with Willin @ Relish

Willin (Chef and owner of Wild Rocket) got in touch with me in December.
He mentioned that he had set up a new dining joint at Cluny Court called "Relish" and wanted to lunch with me there.

I was initially surprised and unsure to meet up or not... the last time we met was at Wild Rocket in much happier times (with Jo of course).

I thot about it and since it was at Cluny, it was ok.

Location was interesting since it was once again off the beaten track. (If you know where the French Embassy and Serene Centre is, you're on the right track) The restaurant was decked simply in white. Clean facades. Nothing elaborate. Friendly staff.

A gourmet burger joint! Thats what it was - my fav.

The burger shot doesn't do real justice, please follow the link for a real good shot. I had the Grilled Beef Burger with Black Pepper Sauce ($18) and it came topped with a sunny side up. The burger was done very nicely at medium rare with juices oozing and pepper well laden within. It can get a little spicy for you non-spicy eaters. Interesting combo were the Belgian beers that were paired with each item on the menu, they complemented the meals really well. Come to think of it, I can't even recall what Willin had?

Apart from catching up, Will actually had a belated Christmas gift prepared. The gift was simple...yet sad, heartwarming and all so God-inspiring.

It was a book..

about Ashley.

Read on...

My Journey Through Grief

6 months gone by...
6 agonising months.
A year I'd like to forget.

Nevertheless thank you for your calls, prayers and words of encouragements.

That's just the reality of death and the aftermath of it - grieving. Death and grieving is a part of life, another phase in our very temporal existence on earth.
Joy and celebrations will return, but not right now for me.

I can't change the facts.

Some people handle grief by talking while others want to be alone and quiet.
Some grow cold and callous.
Some weep and stare into blue yonder.
Some establish memorials while others stash away anything and everything that reminds them of their loved one.
Some become very active, some become totally sedated.

Me?
I've been praying and talking with God.
I've been reading my way through grief.
- When Life is Changed Forever (Rick Taylor)
- Travelling Through Grief (Susan & Robert De Vries)
- When Grief Breaks Your Heart (James Moore)
- Lives on the Mend (Florence Littauer)
I've been spending time in solitude often.

The lessons:

1. Life Has Changed Forever.
When you've spend a good part of your life with someone who's meant everything to you.
It can never be the same when that person dies.
In that same respect, a part of me died when Joanne died.

Part of me and that which was 'mine' was gone...never to return in this lifetime.
I would never be the person I was before. How could I?
What was considered as "normal" no longer exists.
What will eventually occur is when a "new normal" is discovered.

Accepting and going along with the changes would not make the pain of loss go away.
Until I begin to understand the nature of these changes in my life, I cannot make the most of the life I have yet to live.

2. Mood Swings.
Sharp swings.
Anger, fear, anxiety, loneliness, guilt, regret, sadness, etc.
Swing often.
Some days I so desperately need the comfort of friends and on others,
I totally detest their presence. Sometimes I feel I'm just losing it.
I don't understand it.

3. Embrace Sorrow.
"You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?" Psalms 56:8

When words fail, tears flow.
Tears have a language of their own, a tongue that needs no interpreter.
I let them flow when they are there.
I don't avoid thinking about Jo. I can't, she's always there.
I flipped through the albums. I played back the videos we took.

Take time to remember.

I've learned too that one needs to be willing to talk about their sense of loss and pain.
Verbalising it helps instead of keeping it in.

4. Hypersensitivity.
Any action, scent, sight, place or activity may trigger a memory and a flood of emotions.
This is a daily occurence I've to deal with.
It starts or ends with coming back to an empty home.
It continues with going to bed in an empty one.
I drive off to work and the music plays a familiar tune of ours...that hurts too.
We talk about food and ...
It continues into Church on Sundays or at small group when we sing her fav "songs".
There seems to be no escape.

5. Time Doesn't Heal, God Does.
It's still early days but I know I am gradually moving through the valley of the shadow...
I am beginning to see "some" light at the end of the tunnel.

6. Don't Cheer Me Up Artificially
Understandably, many people don't know what to say in times such as this.
There are no right words.
"She's in a better place now"
"Remember all things work together for good"
"She no longer has to suffer"
These are all well meaning words, but it doesn't change the fact that she is there and I am here! My life has been devastated and I'll need to pick the pieces up and move on.

It's usually better to say something like:
"I don't understand, but I love you"
"I'm here for you" or better still just give a big hug.
Be cautious not to tell your friends why they are facing the things they are facing.
If the Lord has a revelation for them, he can offer it Himself.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" Romans 12:15

"All is Well" by Cannon H. Scott Holland

Death is just an open door,
I have only slipped away
into the next room

I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.

Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was,
let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
Safe and Secure,

All is well.

(Thanks Maria for sharing this with me...)

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) - Chris Tomlin

"Amazing Grace," Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace
[ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ]

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine

The Arms That Won't Let Go (Al Denson)

Don't know why it happened
It's hard to understand
You give someone your heart
And then they're gone
Searching for a reason
We must walk through this season
Well don't give up just yet
A light is shining up ahead

Chorus 1:
If you need a pillow for your sorrow
If you need a blanket for your soul
If you need a place your broken heart can be made whole
He'll be your strength to face tomorrow
And when the night seems dark and cold
Fall into the arms that won't let go
Fall in to the arms that won't let go

Don't have all the answers
Facing tragedy
It seems as though the tears will never end
But through the dark you'll see Him
The one you can believe in
He's offering you rest
And a place to lay your head

Chorus 2:
I'll be the pillow for your sorrow
I'll be the blanket for your soul
I'll be the place your broken heart can be made whole
I'll be your strength to face tomorrow
And when the night seems dark and cold
Fall into the arms that won't let go
Fall into the arms that won't let go
You can rest here in my arms, I won't let go

(C)2001 Al Denson Music.

Happy Birthday Jo...

"My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long,"Where is your God?" Psalms 42:3

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" Deuteronomy 33:27

Its been difficult, very difficult.

Today she would have been 37.

I would have to once again surprise her with a special place to dine at. Usually it would have been at the Top of the M @ the Mandarin Hotel.

Our last birthday celebration was at the Ritz.
She always loved the Ritz. It's meant alot to us. We got married there on 11th November 2000, yeah a real interesting number 11/11/00. We took a simple 2 day 1 nite package for a Standard room and got a nice upgrade to a Club Level suite last year. Really nice.

She enjoys sitting at the Club Level munching on the different "presentations" that was served every 3-4 hours. Oh she could sit there the whole day.

And we did just that.
Enjoying the simple pleasures in life...great company, good food and a nice book to read. There was peaceful silence between us. At that time her appetite was gradually decreasing, that's why the bite size presentations was ideal for her.

Jo has always been to me - my epitome of "simplicity".
She loved food and that was very much it. She didn't need fancy shoes or clothes. She had a very big and generous heart too, giving of whatever she could to the Cancer Society and other charitable organisations.

(Ah its tough writing these, that's why I hate blogging now...the tears just don't stop..)

One thing for sure, her celebrations are on an even grander scale...and its a daily affair! Amen.

From behalf of us all my dearest, we love you and wish you a Happy Birthday...from our hearts.

Shattered (from Strength for the Journey)

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

If you had a chance to meet her, you would agree that the name we have affectionately given her really fits. She has a fantastic command of the world around her and a charming personality that makes you want to give her what she wants. And, of course, since “Cate the Great” is one of our grandchildren, my wife Martie and I delight in doing just that. After all, it’s a grandparents’ prerogative!

Recently Martie hosted four of our granddaughters for a special weekend tea party. Fancy invitations were sent, lacy décor was purchased, and I was banned from the proceedings. Cate the Great and her mother carefully chose an elegant wardrobe for the occasion, Cate’s favorite “princess” costume.

Cate came all the way from her home in Michigan with great anticipation of a regal entrance as “princess of the day” into the cultured society of her fellow cousins. It was to be her finest moment. Until we discovered that the dress had been left behind at her parents. Disaster! Cate’s world, as she knew it, was shattered. All her hopes, dreams, and aspirations to grandeur were left behind with the princess dress. She didn’t feel like Cate the Great anymore.

Martie could have launched into a timely exposition of how, in the bigger picture of real life, it was not all that big of a deal and that Cate should stop crying and realize that she would get over it and someday laugh at this little wrinkle in her world. Instead, Martie quickly proceeded to the nearest specialty store with crying Cate in tow to find another princess costume. Martie not only rescued the tea party, but helped rebuild Cate’s shattered little world.

We shouldn’t be surprised when God does the same thing for us. He “is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). In His grace, He comes alongside whenever your world becomes shattered—whether it’s shattered by your own fears and anxieties, or by disappointing events beyond your control. He could, of course, lecture you about the bigger picture of eternity and tell you to buck up and move on, but God compassionately comes alongside, allows you free access to His throne room in prayer, and listens to every one of your anxious thoughts (Philippians 4:6-8). Being the perfect Father, He never spoils or pampers, but lovingly offers every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). He is there, right now, waiting to rebuild and restore your broken world.

Your Journey . . .

Think of a time when you felt like your world was shattered. Did a friend or family member come alongside to help? Did you look to God for hope and help in the situation? Looking back on it, how is your perspective different now than it was then?

Is your life is shattered now? David faced great seasons of devastating disappointments and consistently resolved them with hope in God’s merciful and gracious willingness to be there for Him in times of crisis. Thoughtfully read Psalms 13, 27, 28, and 42, and take them all personally!

Do you know someone who is currently experiencing a shattered situation? What can you do to help restore their shattered world today?

Put this verse in your head and heart for the next time your life is shattered. “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation” (Psalm 13:5).

Surreal

Just like that
A month gone by
I still smell you
I still feel you

It's surreal
Surreal to think that
All this work and activity going on
Doesn't seem to make any bloody sense at all

Nothing at all

Living?
I merely exist
My battery keeps running
And I keep doing what I do
Why?

Dreamlike

Home?
No longer.
Just an apartment.

Wake up to an empty house
Arrive home to an empty house

Just don't make no sense no more
Just like a butterfly fleeting
30 days of agony
All seemingly fine

Like a dead cactus
You can't tell if its dead
Till you drop it

90 Minutes In Heaven

Pastor Wendy Watson gave me this book a few weeks back.

If there's any book you should read, it's this!

It's been a great source of inspiration, assurance, comfort and encouragement to me.

You know even as a Christian we sometimes wonder what Heaven is like. And for those in bereavement like me, we desperately long to seek some affirmation/confirmation of where our loved one has gone too...we need so much to hear the reality of Heaven. Since our feet is always firmly planted on earth, the image of and idea of Heaven may seem distant at times.

This book has changed all that.

It's made coping much better.

It's put a smile on my face.

It's shown me what a glimpse of heaven is like... amazing as Don described.

Here's a brief excerpt about his experience and the book:

In 1989, Don was on his way back from a church conference when an 18-wheeler truck struck his Ford Escort head on. He was killed instantly - pronounced dead by four sets of EMTs (Paramedics)

Shortly after the accident, a pastor from the same conference arrived on the scene and began praying for "the man in the red car." God worked a miracle and sent Don back to his now-broken body. To date, 34 surgical procedures have taken place. He walks only as a result of miraculous and in some cases medically unexplainable circumstances. During the time he was dead, Piper was granted the extreme privilege of glimpsing Heaven itself.

Don's experience in Heaven gives him a unique insight into eternity and a strong desire to tell others about Christ. His difficult recovery allows him to identify with the heartbroken and crestfallen, ministering to them with the understanding of someone who's been there. His goal is to help bitter people become better, to turn disappointments into divine appointments. He calls it "finding a new normal" and he's made it his life's work.

And I'd like to imagine as mentioned (in the book) that when I get to Heaven, there would be a welcoming committee awaiting, and as Pastor Wendy said - Jo would obviously be the 1st to run and welcome me...what a beautiful thought and scene...astounding.

I can't wait to get there...in His time.

Note: the book is difficult to find, you can check with SKS Books or contact me.

He Makes Me Lie Down (6 July 2007 - Strength for the Journey)

Reading this a few nights ago was comforting. After the previous weeks' hectic activities organised by my ever loving and caring pals and family, I realised I needed time to just be alone with God and be by myself. To rediscover myself, and seek His direction for the future...

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:2-3

A pastor friend of mine was telling another pastor about the long-awaited vacation that he and his family were preparing for. The other pastor immediately replied, “Vacation? I never take a vacation. Satan doesn’t take a vacation and neither do I!”

To which my friend wisely retorted, “Well, that’s all right. Satan has never been my example!”

In the summer when school is out and the sun is shining, our thoughts turn toward vacation. And that’s a good thing! We were wired with an innate need to take a break from our usual pace and spend some time being refreshed and recharged.

But for some reason, we sometimes seem apologetic about taking time off or needing a change of pace for a little while. It may be that our internal understanding of a real “work ethic” demands that we feel a little guilty about time that we’re not being “productive” or “efficient.” Or maybe we are concerned that those projects and clients we have been carefully nurturing along will fall to pieces if we put them on hold for a week or two. Maybe we are distorting Paul’s words to the Ephesians, resisting vacations and working nonstop so that we can “make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16).

If that’s your brain strain, then let me put a biblical stop to that train of thought and provide you with three solid, straight-from-Scripture reasons to enjoy a guilt-free, refreshing time away from your usual pace of work this summer.

Reason number one: it’s commanded in Scripture. The fourth commandment tells us to “remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” (Exodus 20:8). That means more than just going to church on Sunday. The principle of “Sabbath”—rooted in God’s example through creation of resting on the seventh day—intertwines with the Old Testament law code.

There were not only to be days of Sabbath, but week-long festivals scattered throughout the Jewish seasons. In fact, there were Sabbath years in their calendar! God’s loving command was intended to pull His people aside for rest so they would be reminded that all good things come from Him . . . not from their frantic efforts at work.

A second reason why it’s a good idea to take a well-deserved break is that your body and spirit need it. I love the picture that David paints for us in Psalm 23 of a shepherd leading his sheep to a place of refreshment and rest. We are finite, fallible, limited creatures, and without rest we’ll find that burnout and exhaustion eventually take their toll. Our ability to be gracious, loving, and patient will be a casualty of our compulsive work habits. Fatigue and weariness will leave us vulnerable to temptation. And most disturbingly, our intimacy with the Lord will suffer as our time with Him becomes perfunctory at best, and nonexistent at worst. All that can be avoided if we allow our Good Shepherd to restore our soul with times of rest in green pastures and with seasons of refreshment beside quiet waters.

And just in case we need another reason to put our feet up and relax now and then, remember that Jesus did it! He often withdrew from the crush of the crowds to seasons of prayer and rest. During a storm on the Sea of Galilee He was sound asleep in the boat (Mark 4:38). And we are told that while on a trip from Judea to Galilee “Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well” (John 4:6). There were always more people to heal, more messages to preach, and more places to go, but Jesus displayed the importance of rest.

So, whether it’s a weekend of camping, a day at the pool, or a week away with close friends or family members, turn off the cell-phone, close the computer, and get away! There’s no good reason not to!

YOUR JOURNEY…

How has God used previous vacations and times away to refresh and restore your soul?
Do you find it hard to schedule time away, and do you feel guilty or fearful on vacations? Take some time to think through why that might be.
What plans are in place for you to follow through on God’s instruction about rest and refreshment? It may not be this summer, or even during the fall, but what about within the next six months?

The Week of 25/6

I don't even know where or how to begin, but here goes...

The week of 25/6 was undoubtedly crazy.
I wasn't really exhausted to think I'd about 8 hrs sleep in 4 days.
I stayed at brother's place since my KL relatives were down. It was just like old times when we'd stay up late and chat thru the nite over wine or coffee. Dad bunked over too. It's amazing all of us could squeeze into his comfy home.

Thursday (28/6) was the funeral and we had a nice thanksgiving dinner at Zui Fairprice @ Upper Thomson Road. For those of you who wasn't there. Click the link for the review by ST Foodies Club.

Friday (29/6) - Sea burial @ MSP.
We met Ricky (Hosanna Bereavement) at Marina South Pier (MSP), took an orange boat some 15 mins out to sea with Rev Alvin conducting the service. We had a nice bunch of friends with us that day. Thanks for your presence folks! We finished off again with another sumptuous meal @ my dad's and dad-in-law's fav restaurant - Spring Court Restaurant in Chinatown. Great for it's cantonese cuisine and Peking Duck!

In the evening, I hung out with my good buddies - Sam & Alex at a Pub just above the Changi Point Ferry Terminal (CPFT), I think it's called the Terminal or something. Really nice ambience...a nice quiet laid back alfresco joint. You can even catch the planes landing at Changi.

Saturday (30/6) - Oz vs Singapore Football Game @ National Stadium
You can catch DD's write up and some really great photos in his blog. We went as a foursome (DD, AC, Colin and myself) thanks to DD's friend who provided the complimentary tickets. Thank you! We had a great time shouting our lungs out at the Singapore team... of course we had to lose 3-0 to the Aussies. But hey, they played a nicer game in the end. There were some pathetic fireworks...outside water was banned and we'd had to endure some 4 hours without it since every conceivable water joint IN the stadium had a line as long as cars returning from the Causeway after a school's hols. We ended up at Barks Cafe in Changi after the game having some drinks and snacks...I was really dog tired literally.

I must say that I've experienced an amazing sense of Peace, that which only comes from God. A peace that surpasses all human understanding...

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalms 29:11

It's All About Her

It's always been about her.
It's surreal to think that she was just here, and now she's gone.
I can't even begin to think about her, or I'll start to tear.

She was and will always be everything to me.
She was my hopes encompassed.
She was what love was all about.
She was my reason for being.
She was my greatest friend.
She made me who I am today.

She gave me the opportunity to love, care and serve her unconditionally.
She taught me patience when hurriedness was what I was about.
She broadened my horizon to the finer side of foods.
She displayed true simplicity for a woman of this age.
She had a smile that could warm the coldest heart.
She had inner strength so great, it was hard to imagine what she went through all these years.

Now, all is empty...
All is silent.
Seemingly cold.

Shattered.

Not a word.
Not a shadow.

Two have now become One.

Obituary

For those of you who may have missed the obituary that appeared in The Straits Times, 26 June 2007. (Click on the pix for a larger view)

Joanne Has Gone To Be With The Lord Today

My dear relatives, friends, ex-colleagues, prayer warriors, and loved ones of

Joanne Kwan Foong Kuem,

please note that she has gone to be with the Lord as of 6:45pm this evening.

Wake will be held at: Void Deck, Block 113 Depot Road (Opposite HP Building, Depot Road)

Nightly Services at 8:00pm
Tuesday, 26 June (English)
Wednesday, 27 June (English & Mandarin)


Cortege will leave on:
Thursday, 28 June 2007 @ 3:30pm for Mandai Crematorium Hall 2 for cremation at 4:30pm.

NO WREATHS PLEASE, ALL DONATIONS TO BE MADE TO WESLEY METHODIST CHURCH, THANK YOU.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Cancer Is So Limited...

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.

- Author Unknown -

By His Strength

Since Wednesday, I think I've clocked about 8 hours of sleep at most.
Thursday & Friday was really tough as she was uncomfortable all round.

I should clock more today, cos' she's a little better.

Jo's Funny Side
The funny thing about my dearest is that even in her dreams and mild hallucinations -its about food. She was forcibly angry @ 3:00am this morning when she couldn't get her Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Ice Blended Mocha! Ha ha ha. And of course being the blur guy I am, I mistook this for coffee ice cream which she wanted. I searched the Net for ice cream from the local coffee joints but didn't find any and so in frustration I drove off to get the Haagen Daz ice-cream coffee flavour. Wow, she was upset that it wasn't ice blended and then it only dawned upon me then. By the way she was rattling off from 3:00am all the way till she got it @ 8:30am...amazing!

A half hour later, she asked for Slurpee from 7-11...somehow I shouldn't have gotten it cos' it didn't do her any good...sheesh!

I'm Bilingual

She's also taken to speaking in Chinese/Mandarin on occasion and this has made our communication more interesting. I'm effectively communicating to her in both English and Chinese these days, something I've not done before. Those who know me know how great my command of the second language is. God has a great sense of humour :)

The Fridge
Always stocked with Soya Bean, Ribena, Orange Juice, Ensure (Vanilla @ Strawberry), Lemon Barley drinks all in tetrapak form. The Freezer has 3 varieties of Haagen Daz - Vanilla, Coffee, Strawberry. 3 sticks of Solero and some Japanese ice cream Jessica bought.

Today (Saturday)
It's 2:48am and I've just cleaned her tailbone wound. Again totally exhausted. It was harrowing because I had to reason with her to lie a certain way if not it would be near impossible to dress the wound. Understanding that this was difficult for her too as she was experiencing pains in different angles. Always happens during my watch. I think I shouldn't have problems putting "Male Nurse" on my CV in the future. I will probably need to get her a bed pan. Her strength is being sapped by the day...going to the loo is too stressful for her and for me.

Pastor Wendy Watson and Wai Leng.
Both of them first visited us @ Ward 48 1 week back.
And since Wednesday, they've been my other "mobile comfort team" - not only coming by to share and pray, but to provide dinner:

Wed - Don Pies x 2 (Chicken & Shepherd's Pie)
Thur - Oxtail Soup and Bread! (Home made!)
Fri - Herbal Chicken and Rice!

Am truly grateful and speechless, but as I've said before I've learned to accept help and food...especially (wink!) Just kidding. Seriously I'll call if I need anything. Am no longer shy, in fact I've become alot like Jo - I'll tell you specifically what I want and you better get it!

In Gratitude

Laureen, thanks for the gifts.

My Oz prayer team: Dora, Steve, Kin Wai and Diana, thank you all for your prayers and concerns.

A Whole New Routine

Sorry for the delay, you folks probably knew it was an extremely tough week for me, but by His Grace, I've made it through in one piece.

Updates first...
Jo was resting fine from Monday to Tuesday, sleeping nearly most of the day. From Wednesday to Thursday, she was all uncomfortable and the worse part was that she began vomiting again.

Monday was really tough and I got bros from my cell group to come over to pray in the evening.

She also wanted to sleep in the living room sofa, which was quite a monumental task given the fact that she hardly has any strength. All this had to happen at 1:30am on Wednesday morning. I had to lift her up and put her down in my study chair which had wheels, then pushed her to the living room.

Since Jo doesn't have energy to lift a cup, we (Jessica and MIL) have to be constantly by her side 24x7. I've decided to keep a journal to ensure Jessica and MIL are kept informed on the past/previous days activities. The following is Thursday's account which was the toughest so far:

815am - Banana smoothie
830am - Vomited out
850am - Draining: 400ml
920am - Changed Duoderm dressing.
1020am - Vomited and brushed teeth
1130am - Nurse Tan came by to assist in realigning the cope loop extension
245pm - Vomited after Motilium
530pm - Vomited after MST (Morphine tablet)
715pm - Draining: 800ml
1000pm - Vomited after water
1030pm - Had pink ice cubes (made by Jess)
10:50pm - Toilet break
11:30pm - Vomited again. Changed top, pillows.

MIL comes in the mornings as mentioned.
Jessica comes over in the afternoon to assist MIL.
I typically will work from home mornings and leave for work/meetings in the afternoon when required.

Again, I thank God for their help since I'm at least able to catch up on sleep in the afternoon when needed.

Pastor Wendy Watson has been another God sent. I'll share more in my next entry. Okay, got to run, she's calling! :)

God Bless my friends and thank you for all the encouragement, kind words, songs and support across the globe... much more than us being a testimony, God had send you to us likewise. Amen.

Updates

I must apologise to all, but all visitations will be limited for now.

At this stage, Jo
- can hardly walk or stand
- is very weak
- is extremely tired all day
- she sleeps some 22 hours a day and wakes occasionally
- is on liquid diet as she's been on the last 2 weeks

The water is still draining quite well @ 2 litres per day.
We've also got a nurse and doctor (from the Assissi Home) that makes visitations at least once a week to oversee Jo's condition.

Jessica and MIL are here the next 2 days to help me with my busy schedule for this short time being. I just want to get through this week...

Please pray for His Will to be done in her life. Please pray for Jessica, FIL and MIL cos' I know it's extremely tough with them as it is for me.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18