Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat, oh no
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Updates - 20 March 2007
So we saw Dr Goh yesterday finally.
He examined Jo and explained that the pain / indigestion is being caused by the tumour stretching the muscle of the diaphragm area (pulling it down) and compressing upon the stomach & intestine area. This stretching is causing compression on the stomach thereby not allowing more food to be disgested within.
He prescribed medication to ease the digestion and release of gas built up within her stomach - Enzyplex, Magnesium Carbonate (mixture that tastes yuuck!) and Metoclopramide (Maxalon)
She's also back to taking Morphine as and when she feels any pain or discomfort.
So all in all, we thank God that we've managed through this once again. In fact, she had half a bowl of Mee Rebus for lunch...
Dinner
So Jo had cravings for Xiaolongbao (Small steamed dumplings...this much I can translate lah :) and suggested we try this not so new Shanghai restaurant located in quaint Balmoral Plaza basement 1 level:
Pu Dong Kitchen
271 Bt Timah Rd, #B1-02 Balmoral Plaza
Tel: 6732 8966
We were with her parents to check this out. Nice little location, not many tables. Simple decor. Staff were true blue Shanghainese as they had a strong accent. Thank God for Jo's impeccable Chinese... she makes most of the orders most of the time. Last time round I made an order in Chinese, a dish not on the menu was prepared...
As usual I was so eager to eat, I forgot to snap the dishes first. So my apologies for the err....well "half-eaten" photos you see below. The Xiao longbao was ok, interestingly there was a hole at the top of it, unlike any other xiao longbao I've eaten or seen before. Skin thinner and sauce was quite nice. Still I find the Din Taifung ones are overall better. That goes for their Fried Rice too. Fried Rice here was very nice too. Very fragrant and loved the egg bits too. There was nicely fried French beans with garlic and chilli...this was excellent. Last but not least we had an interesing Guo tie (fried dumpling) was so hot I burned my lips twice.
Jo ate a fair bit and I was really glad about that. Amen.
He examined Jo and explained that the pain / indigestion is being caused by the tumour stretching the muscle of the diaphragm area (pulling it down) and compressing upon the stomach & intestine area. This stretching is causing compression on the stomach thereby not allowing more food to be disgested within.
He prescribed medication to ease the digestion and release of gas built up within her stomach - Enzyplex, Magnesium Carbonate (mixture that tastes yuuck!) and Metoclopramide (Maxalon)
She's also back to taking Morphine as and when she feels any pain or discomfort.
So all in all, we thank God that we've managed through this once again. In fact, she had half a bowl of Mee Rebus for lunch...
Dinner
So Jo had cravings for Xiaolongbao (Small steamed dumplings...this much I can translate lah :) and suggested we try this not so new Shanghai restaurant located in quaint Balmoral Plaza basement 1 level:
Pu Dong Kitchen
271 Bt Timah Rd, #B1-02 Balmoral Plaza
Tel: 6732 8966
We were with her parents to check this out. Nice little location, not many tables. Simple decor. Staff were true blue Shanghainese as they had a strong accent. Thank God for Jo's impeccable Chinese... she makes most of the orders most of the time. Last time round I made an order in Chinese, a dish not on the menu was prepared...
As usual I was so eager to eat, I forgot to snap the dishes first. So my apologies for the err....well "half-eaten" photos you see below. The Xiao longbao was ok, interestingly there was a hole at the top of it, unlike any other xiao longbao I've eaten or seen before. Skin thinner and sauce was quite nice. Still I find the Din Taifung ones are overall better. That goes for their Fried Rice too. Fried Rice here was very nice too. Very fragrant and loved the egg bits too. There was nicely fried French beans with garlic and chilli...this was excellent. Last but not least we had an interesing Guo tie (fried dumpling) was so hot I burned my lips twice.
Jo ate a fair bit and I was really glad about that. Amen.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Rescue (NewSong)
You are the source of life
And I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of you
Chorus
I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There's no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with Love
My heart is yours for life
And I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in you
I will follow you
This world has nothing for me.
And I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of you
Chorus
I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There's no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with Love
My heart is yours for life
And I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in you
I will follow you
This world has nothing for me.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Indigestion & Chest Pains
Its been a harrowing past 48 hrs.
Jo's hardly been eating cos' of the pain and gas that comes after every simple meal. Even though she's been chewing and taking in food really slowly, it causes severe indigestion and most recently, chest pains.
We'll see the doc on Monday asap to see what can be done.
She was just well enough to get out for awhile just an hour ago and she wanted so badly to go to the Melbourne food & wine festival at Duxton Hill...so we went. Unfortunately, most of it was closed by the time we got there...how sad. :(
As for now, she'll have to stick to a liquid diet till the effects wear off - taking Ensure (nutritional powder formula for Cancer patients) and soup perhaps.
Please pray for the pain and indigestion to go away. She's been resting alot already and I figure its probably the tumour in the left liver causing all this. The pain from the Spine has since gone and she can cough & sneeze without discomfort, Amen!
Jo's hardly been eating cos' of the pain and gas that comes after every simple meal. Even though she's been chewing and taking in food really slowly, it causes severe indigestion and most recently, chest pains.
We'll see the doc on Monday asap to see what can be done.
She was just well enough to get out for awhile just an hour ago and she wanted so badly to go to the Melbourne food & wine festival at Duxton Hill...so we went. Unfortunately, most of it was closed by the time we got there...how sad. :(
As for now, she'll have to stick to a liquid diet till the effects wear off - taking Ensure (nutritional powder formula for Cancer patients) and soup perhaps.
Please pray for the pain and indigestion to go away. She's been resting alot already and I figure its probably the tumour in the left liver causing all this. The pain from the Spine has since gone and she can cough & sneeze without discomfort, Amen!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Joy Tested
"Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2I've been reflecting much about this passage the last 2 days recently, yet I'm finding it extremely difficult coming to terms with it.
What was James thinking about when he wrote this? How does one find real Joy (let alone "great joy")when you're in the midst of overwhelming physical pain? When the suffering is in your face?
I think about Job and I cannot even begin to grapple with how Job managed through the incredible suffering he faced.
Yes, the immediate good that does come out of suffering is endurance or perseverance.
I continue to meditate on this and seek His enlightentment.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Faith Tested
A close friend once told me that bad news seemed to roll off me like water off a duck's back. Apparently, I always appear so calm and even quite cheery despite all these years of struggling with my cancer.
Well, I can only tell you, it's not me, it's God. It's His strength, His peace and His grace that support me and Alex all this while.
I'm quite a simple person. I trust in God's power to heal me, but IN HIS TIME. This means He may heal me in my lifetime, or He may heal me in eternal life, where we will all be made perfect! Also, I believe that God uses doctors and modern medicine as His healing tools. So I always trust my doctors to give the best recommendations for treatments, and so far, I've been truly blessed with very caring and efficient doctors and nurses who show genuine concern for me.
So once I sorted those things out, I just try to get on with normal life. No need to worry about seeking strange alternative treatments, or trying to attend all the miracle healing rallies in Singapore.
But over the past few weeks, my faith has been severely tested. Somehow, the radiation treatment to kill the cancer cells in my lumbar region has triggered off some unexpected side effects. Because the radiation beams were shot through my stomach, they destroyed quite a bit of stomach/intestinal lining. This made me perpetually nauseous, some days worse than others. To me, this is one of the most traumatic things that can ever happen - not being able to eat or enjoy food, aarrrrghh!
I also started to feel more tired. Going out for lunch and simple grocery shopping will wipe out my energy for the day, and I'll have to take a 3-hour nap to recover in time for dinner. I've not checked my emails for a month. Even watching TV tires me out.
What's more, I can literally feel the tumours growing bigger in the left lobe of my liver, because it's stretching the diaphragm and straining the rib cage/muscles. This causes more pain and the weight of the enlarged liver presses down on me when I lie down, so it's almost impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep. The tumours also cause internal inflammation so my fevers are back with a vengeance. I have to pop 2 panadols every 5-6 hours to control it, even waking up during the night, or the temperature will just shoot through the roof...
So I was definitely not a happy baby over the past few weeks. I was harbouring all kinds of dark thoughts in my mind and feeling sorry for myself, asking God many questions, mainly "Why me"?
The last straw came when 2 nights ago, I actually threw up after taking panadol. Somehow, this aggravated the lower back pain and the stressed liver, and caused so much discomfort that I couldn't sleep the whole night. Poor Alex was quite worried and ran off first thing in the morning to get a stronger painkiller from my GP.
Thank God! After taking the medicine yesterday, I had the best sleep ever in a long while! I woke up today feeling so rested that we actually went out for lunch (Alex decided to work from home since yesterday to make sure I'm ok, so sweet, right?). And I could finally find the energy to switch on the PC to check my email and post this blog : )
So again, I can only say this, BY GOD'S GRACE, I have overcome this moment of weakness and depression in my journey of faith. And I constantly give thanks for my long-suffering partner on this journey - my dear hubby Alex.
Before signing off, I just want to share some thoughts from a good friend Mr Foo:
"God wants us to draw strength from Him daily. It’s a reverse spiritual principle that nonetheless is true: We get beaten down so that Christ might rise in us. It’s the whole idea God has of avoiding confusion. See, he doesn’t want people confusing human power and achievement with his power and what he is achieving in and through our lives. If all Christians were super-Christians, people would be impressed with us. As it is, God wants people to be surprised at us, not so much impressed – surprised that we can keep on believing, given what has happened to us. Surprised at us – impressed with God. That’s the way it should go. It’s important to know this so that the things that happen don’t throw us into a tailspin. Paul wrote 2 corin 4:8-10 that troubles, confusions, knock-downs, and drag-outs are all to be expected in a life of faith, and they are not just something to suck it up and endure, they are what will actually release the power of God in our lives. We encounter death-like experiences so that Christ’s life-like nature may clearly be seen in us, despite what is happening."
Thank you to our family and friends for your prayers and support, and big thanks to all the lovely people who just happened to read our blog and left such encouraging and heart-warming notes. May God bless you!
PS: I'm still waiting for the hospital to call me with an appointment date for the pre-clinical-trial tests, so don't know when I'll be starting on the trial yet.
Well, I can only tell you, it's not me, it's God. It's His strength, His peace and His grace that support me and Alex all this while.
I'm quite a simple person. I trust in God's power to heal me, but IN HIS TIME. This means He may heal me in my lifetime, or He may heal me in eternal life, where we will all be made perfect! Also, I believe that God uses doctors and modern medicine as His healing tools. So I always trust my doctors to give the best recommendations for treatments, and so far, I've been truly blessed with very caring and efficient doctors and nurses who show genuine concern for me.
So once I sorted those things out, I just try to get on with normal life. No need to worry about seeking strange alternative treatments, or trying to attend all the miracle healing rallies in Singapore.
But over the past few weeks, my faith has been severely tested. Somehow, the radiation treatment to kill the cancer cells in my lumbar region has triggered off some unexpected side effects. Because the radiation beams were shot through my stomach, they destroyed quite a bit of stomach/intestinal lining. This made me perpetually nauseous, some days worse than others. To me, this is one of the most traumatic things that can ever happen - not being able to eat or enjoy food, aarrrrghh!
I also started to feel more tired. Going out for lunch and simple grocery shopping will wipe out my energy for the day, and I'll have to take a 3-hour nap to recover in time for dinner. I've not checked my emails for a month. Even watching TV tires me out.
What's more, I can literally feel the tumours growing bigger in the left lobe of my liver, because it's stretching the diaphragm and straining the rib cage/muscles. This causes more pain and the weight of the enlarged liver presses down on me when I lie down, so it's almost impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep. The tumours also cause internal inflammation so my fevers are back with a vengeance. I have to pop 2 panadols every 5-6 hours to control it, even waking up during the night, or the temperature will just shoot through the roof...
So I was definitely not a happy baby over the past few weeks. I was harbouring all kinds of dark thoughts in my mind and feeling sorry for myself, asking God many questions, mainly "Why me"?
The last straw came when 2 nights ago, I actually threw up after taking panadol. Somehow, this aggravated the lower back pain and the stressed liver, and caused so much discomfort that I couldn't sleep the whole night. Poor Alex was quite worried and ran off first thing in the morning to get a stronger painkiller from my GP.
Thank God! After taking the medicine yesterday, I had the best sleep ever in a long while! I woke up today feeling so rested that we actually went out for lunch (Alex decided to work from home since yesterday to make sure I'm ok, so sweet, right?). And I could finally find the energy to switch on the PC to check my email and post this blog : )
So again, I can only say this, BY GOD'S GRACE, I have overcome this moment of weakness and depression in my journey of faith. And I constantly give thanks for my long-suffering partner on this journey - my dear hubby Alex.
Before signing off, I just want to share some thoughts from a good friend Mr Foo:
"God wants us to draw strength from Him daily. It’s a reverse spiritual principle that nonetheless is true: We get beaten down so that Christ might rise in us. It’s the whole idea God has of avoiding confusion. See, he doesn’t want people confusing human power and achievement with his power and what he is achieving in and through our lives. If all Christians were super-Christians, people would be impressed with us. As it is, God wants people to be surprised at us, not so much impressed – surprised that we can keep on believing, given what has happened to us. Surprised at us – impressed with God. That’s the way it should go. It’s important to know this so that the things that happen don’t throw us into a tailspin. Paul wrote 2 corin 4:8-10 that troubles, confusions, knock-downs, and drag-outs are all to be expected in a life of faith, and they are not just something to suck it up and endure, they are what will actually release the power of God in our lives. We encounter death-like experiences so that Christ’s life-like nature may clearly be seen in us, despite what is happening."
Thank you to our family and friends for your prayers and support, and big thanks to all the lovely people who just happened to read our blog and left such encouraging and heart-warming notes. May God bless you!
PS: I'm still waiting for the hospital to call me with an appointment date for the pre-clinical-trial tests, so don't know when I'll be starting on the trial yet.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Jo @ Wild Rocket Again
Jo is truly Blessed by a bunch of friends from all over and I thank God for having brought them to her at the most opportune time. Apart from praying for her, they have cooked for her, brought flowers and most often - asked her out for lunch (when she's felt ok)
Just yesterday she was invited to lunch by L (who first introduced Wild Rocket to her!!) to Wild Rocket once again... Jo managed to eat a little more today. She SMSed me and say she ate 2/3rds of the rack of lamb.
The fever's come back to every 6 hour interval now that she's stopped taking Arcoxia (pain killer & muscle relaxant).
She had cravings for White pepper crab a moment ago, however its been changed to Teochew Porridge along Havelock Road... we're off now.
We serve a Lord that is faithful and true.
Just yesterday she was invited to lunch by L (who first introduced Wild Rocket to her!!) to Wild Rocket once again... Jo managed to eat a little more today. She SMSed me and say she ate 2/3rds of the rack of lamb.
The fever's come back to every 6 hour interval now that she's stopped taking Arcoxia (pain killer & muscle relaxant).
She had cravings for White pepper crab a moment ago, however its been changed to Teochew Porridge along Havelock Road... we're off now.
We serve a Lord that is faithful and true.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Psalms 62
My favourite verse:
Psalms 62:1-2
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Psalms 62:1-2
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Updates - 3 March 2007
This is the longest break I've taken from blogging and my apologies to all waiting for an update.
Post radiotherapy seemed ok for Jo, however the side effects gradually set in and got worse.
Jo had been losing appetite and feeling nauseous over this past week. Yesterday was especially bad as she was out for lunch with a friend and could only eat a little. In the evening she only had some maggi noodles and that was it for the evening. She weighed in yesterday at 38.6kg.
Strange aches kept surfacing throughout the day and she'd been constipating over the past 3 days. Fatigue sets in easily and she told me "quality of life" wasn't very good... and this was tough.
Prayer Items
So for all our faithful prayer warriors out there, please pray for:
1. Continued faithfulness and trust in our Lord Jesus.
2. Strength to manage through the side effects.
3. Side effects - aches, pains, fever, nauseas to be eradicated
4. Appetite and weight to be restored ... past 40kg
New Treatment Updates
Jo will be beginning the new treatment regime sometime in the next 10 days and will keep you all posted. If you managed to read last Saturday's Strait's Times article on page S10, this report explains in detail the new treatment Jo will be undertaking. The mentioned oncologist - Dr Goh Boon Cher is Jo's NUH Onco too.
God Bless my friends, more news shortly.
Post radiotherapy seemed ok for Jo, however the side effects gradually set in and got worse.
Jo had been losing appetite and feeling nauseous over this past week. Yesterday was especially bad as she was out for lunch with a friend and could only eat a little. In the evening she only had some maggi noodles and that was it for the evening. She weighed in yesterday at 38.6kg.
Strange aches kept surfacing throughout the day and she'd been constipating over the past 3 days. Fatigue sets in easily and she told me "quality of life" wasn't very good... and this was tough.
Prayer Items
So for all our faithful prayer warriors out there, please pray for:
1. Continued faithfulness and trust in our Lord Jesus.
2. Strength to manage through the side effects.
3. Side effects - aches, pains, fever, nauseas to be eradicated
4. Appetite and weight to be restored ... past 40kg
New Treatment Updates
Jo will be beginning the new treatment regime sometime in the next 10 days and will keep you all posted. If you managed to read last Saturday's Strait's Times article on page S10, this report explains in detail the new treatment Jo will be undertaking. The mentioned oncologist - Dr Goh Boon Cher is Jo's NUH Onco too.
God Bless my friends, more news shortly.
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