"All is Well" by Cannon H. Scott Holland

Death is just an open door,
I have only slipped away
into the next room

I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.

Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was,
let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
Safe and Secure,

All is well.

(Thanks Maria for sharing this with me...)

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) - Chris Tomlin

"Amazing Grace," Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace
[ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ]

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine

The Arms That Won't Let Go (Al Denson)

Don't know why it happened
It's hard to understand
You give someone your heart
And then they're gone
Searching for a reason
We must walk through this season
Well don't give up just yet
A light is shining up ahead

Chorus 1:
If you need a pillow for your sorrow
If you need a blanket for your soul
If you need a place your broken heart can be made whole
He'll be your strength to face tomorrow
And when the night seems dark and cold
Fall into the arms that won't let go
Fall in to the arms that won't let go

Don't have all the answers
Facing tragedy
It seems as though the tears will never end
But through the dark you'll see Him
The one you can believe in
He's offering you rest
And a place to lay your head

Chorus 2:
I'll be the pillow for your sorrow
I'll be the blanket for your soul
I'll be the place your broken heart can be made whole
I'll be your strength to face tomorrow
And when the night seems dark and cold
Fall into the arms that won't let go
Fall into the arms that won't let go
You can rest here in my arms, I won't let go

(C)2001 Al Denson Music.

Happy Birthday Jo...

"My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long,"Where is your God?" Psalms 42:3

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" Deuteronomy 33:27

Its been difficult, very difficult.

Today she would have been 37.

I would have to once again surprise her with a special place to dine at. Usually it would have been at the Top of the M @ the Mandarin Hotel.

Our last birthday celebration was at the Ritz.
She always loved the Ritz. It's meant alot to us. We got married there on 11th November 2000, yeah a real interesting number 11/11/00. We took a simple 2 day 1 nite package for a Standard room and got a nice upgrade to a Club Level suite last year. Really nice.

She enjoys sitting at the Club Level munching on the different "presentations" that was served every 3-4 hours. Oh she could sit there the whole day.

And we did just that.
Enjoying the simple pleasures in life...great company, good food and a nice book to read. There was peaceful silence between us. At that time her appetite was gradually decreasing, that's why the bite size presentations was ideal for her.

Jo has always been to me - my epitome of "simplicity".
She loved food and that was very much it. She didn't need fancy shoes or clothes. She had a very big and generous heart too, giving of whatever she could to the Cancer Society and other charitable organisations.

(Ah its tough writing these, that's why I hate blogging now...the tears just don't stop..)

One thing for sure, her celebrations are on an even grander scale...and its a daily affair! Amen.

From behalf of us all my dearest, we love you and wish you a Happy Birthday...from our hearts.

Shattered (from Strength for the Journey)

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

If you had a chance to meet her, you would agree that the name we have affectionately given her really fits. She has a fantastic command of the world around her and a charming personality that makes you want to give her what she wants. And, of course, since “Cate the Great” is one of our grandchildren, my wife Martie and I delight in doing just that. After all, it’s a grandparents’ prerogative!

Recently Martie hosted four of our granddaughters for a special weekend tea party. Fancy invitations were sent, lacy décor was purchased, and I was banned from the proceedings. Cate the Great and her mother carefully chose an elegant wardrobe for the occasion, Cate’s favorite “princess” costume.

Cate came all the way from her home in Michigan with great anticipation of a regal entrance as “princess of the day” into the cultured society of her fellow cousins. It was to be her finest moment. Until we discovered that the dress had been left behind at her parents. Disaster! Cate’s world, as she knew it, was shattered. All her hopes, dreams, and aspirations to grandeur were left behind with the princess dress. She didn’t feel like Cate the Great anymore.

Martie could have launched into a timely exposition of how, in the bigger picture of real life, it was not all that big of a deal and that Cate should stop crying and realize that she would get over it and someday laugh at this little wrinkle in her world. Instead, Martie quickly proceeded to the nearest specialty store with crying Cate in tow to find another princess costume. Martie not only rescued the tea party, but helped rebuild Cate’s shattered little world.

We shouldn’t be surprised when God does the same thing for us. He “is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). In His grace, He comes alongside whenever your world becomes shattered—whether it’s shattered by your own fears and anxieties, or by disappointing events beyond your control. He could, of course, lecture you about the bigger picture of eternity and tell you to buck up and move on, but God compassionately comes alongside, allows you free access to His throne room in prayer, and listens to every one of your anxious thoughts (Philippians 4:6-8). Being the perfect Father, He never spoils or pampers, but lovingly offers every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). He is there, right now, waiting to rebuild and restore your broken world.

Your Journey . . .

Think of a time when you felt like your world was shattered. Did a friend or family member come alongside to help? Did you look to God for hope and help in the situation? Looking back on it, how is your perspective different now than it was then?

Is your life is shattered now? David faced great seasons of devastating disappointments and consistently resolved them with hope in God’s merciful and gracious willingness to be there for Him in times of crisis. Thoughtfully read Psalms 13, 27, 28, and 42, and take them all personally!

Do you know someone who is currently experiencing a shattered situation? What can you do to help restore their shattered world today?

Put this verse in your head and heart for the next time your life is shattered. “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation” (Psalm 13:5).

Surreal

Just like that
A month gone by
I still smell you
I still feel you

It's surreal
Surreal to think that
All this work and activity going on
Doesn't seem to make any bloody sense at all

Nothing at all

Living?
I merely exist
My battery keeps running
And I keep doing what I do
Why?

Dreamlike

Home?
No longer.
Just an apartment.

Wake up to an empty house
Arrive home to an empty house

Just don't make no sense no more
Just like a butterfly fleeting
30 days of agony
All seemingly fine

Like a dead cactus
You can't tell if its dead
Till you drop it

90 Minutes In Heaven

Pastor Wendy Watson gave me this book a few weeks back.

If there's any book you should read, it's this!

It's been a great source of inspiration, assurance, comfort and encouragement to me.

You know even as a Christian we sometimes wonder what Heaven is like. And for those in bereavement like me, we desperately long to seek some affirmation/confirmation of where our loved one has gone too...we need so much to hear the reality of Heaven. Since our feet is always firmly planted on earth, the image of and idea of Heaven may seem distant at times.

This book has changed all that.

It's made coping much better.

It's put a smile on my face.

It's shown me what a glimpse of heaven is like... amazing as Don described.

Here's a brief excerpt about his experience and the book:

In 1989, Don was on his way back from a church conference when an 18-wheeler truck struck his Ford Escort head on. He was killed instantly - pronounced dead by four sets of EMTs (Paramedics)

Shortly after the accident, a pastor from the same conference arrived on the scene and began praying for "the man in the red car." God worked a miracle and sent Don back to his now-broken body. To date, 34 surgical procedures have taken place. He walks only as a result of miraculous and in some cases medically unexplainable circumstances. During the time he was dead, Piper was granted the extreme privilege of glimpsing Heaven itself.

Don's experience in Heaven gives him a unique insight into eternity and a strong desire to tell others about Christ. His difficult recovery allows him to identify with the heartbroken and crestfallen, ministering to them with the understanding of someone who's been there. His goal is to help bitter people become better, to turn disappointments into divine appointments. He calls it "finding a new normal" and he's made it his life's work.

And I'd like to imagine as mentioned (in the book) that when I get to Heaven, there would be a welcoming committee awaiting, and as Pastor Wendy said - Jo would obviously be the 1st to run and welcome me...what a beautiful thought and scene...astounding.

I can't wait to get there...in His time.

Note: the book is difficult to find, you can check with SKS Books or contact me.

He Makes Me Lie Down (6 July 2007 - Strength for the Journey)

Reading this a few nights ago was comforting. After the previous weeks' hectic activities organised by my ever loving and caring pals and family, I realised I needed time to just be alone with God and be by myself. To rediscover myself, and seek His direction for the future...

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:2-3

A pastor friend of mine was telling another pastor about the long-awaited vacation that he and his family were preparing for. The other pastor immediately replied, “Vacation? I never take a vacation. Satan doesn’t take a vacation and neither do I!”

To which my friend wisely retorted, “Well, that’s all right. Satan has never been my example!”

In the summer when school is out and the sun is shining, our thoughts turn toward vacation. And that’s a good thing! We were wired with an innate need to take a break from our usual pace and spend some time being refreshed and recharged.

But for some reason, we sometimes seem apologetic about taking time off or needing a change of pace for a little while. It may be that our internal understanding of a real “work ethic” demands that we feel a little guilty about time that we’re not being “productive” or “efficient.” Or maybe we are concerned that those projects and clients we have been carefully nurturing along will fall to pieces if we put them on hold for a week or two. Maybe we are distorting Paul’s words to the Ephesians, resisting vacations and working nonstop so that we can “make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16).

If that’s your brain strain, then let me put a biblical stop to that train of thought and provide you with three solid, straight-from-Scripture reasons to enjoy a guilt-free, refreshing time away from your usual pace of work this summer.

Reason number one: it’s commanded in Scripture. The fourth commandment tells us to “remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” (Exodus 20:8). That means more than just going to church on Sunday. The principle of “Sabbath”—rooted in God’s example through creation of resting on the seventh day—intertwines with the Old Testament law code.

There were not only to be days of Sabbath, but week-long festivals scattered throughout the Jewish seasons. In fact, there were Sabbath years in their calendar! God’s loving command was intended to pull His people aside for rest so they would be reminded that all good things come from Him . . . not from their frantic efforts at work.

A second reason why it’s a good idea to take a well-deserved break is that your body and spirit need it. I love the picture that David paints for us in Psalm 23 of a shepherd leading his sheep to a place of refreshment and rest. We are finite, fallible, limited creatures, and without rest we’ll find that burnout and exhaustion eventually take their toll. Our ability to be gracious, loving, and patient will be a casualty of our compulsive work habits. Fatigue and weariness will leave us vulnerable to temptation. And most disturbingly, our intimacy with the Lord will suffer as our time with Him becomes perfunctory at best, and nonexistent at worst. All that can be avoided if we allow our Good Shepherd to restore our soul with times of rest in green pastures and with seasons of refreshment beside quiet waters.

And just in case we need another reason to put our feet up and relax now and then, remember that Jesus did it! He often withdrew from the crush of the crowds to seasons of prayer and rest. During a storm on the Sea of Galilee He was sound asleep in the boat (Mark 4:38). And we are told that while on a trip from Judea to Galilee “Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well” (John 4:6). There were always more people to heal, more messages to preach, and more places to go, but Jesus displayed the importance of rest.

So, whether it’s a weekend of camping, a day at the pool, or a week away with close friends or family members, turn off the cell-phone, close the computer, and get away! There’s no good reason not to!

YOUR JOURNEY…

How has God used previous vacations and times away to refresh and restore your soul?
Do you find it hard to schedule time away, and do you feel guilty or fearful on vacations? Take some time to think through why that might be.
What plans are in place for you to follow through on God’s instruction about rest and refreshment? It may not be this summer, or even during the fall, but what about within the next six months?

The Week of 25/6

I don't even know where or how to begin, but here goes...

The week of 25/6 was undoubtedly crazy.
I wasn't really exhausted to think I'd about 8 hrs sleep in 4 days.
I stayed at brother's place since my KL relatives were down. It was just like old times when we'd stay up late and chat thru the nite over wine or coffee. Dad bunked over too. It's amazing all of us could squeeze into his comfy home.

Thursday (28/6) was the funeral and we had a nice thanksgiving dinner at Zui Fairprice @ Upper Thomson Road. For those of you who wasn't there. Click the link for the review by ST Foodies Club.

Friday (29/6) - Sea burial @ MSP.
We met Ricky (Hosanna Bereavement) at Marina South Pier (MSP), took an orange boat some 15 mins out to sea with Rev Alvin conducting the service. We had a nice bunch of friends with us that day. Thanks for your presence folks! We finished off again with another sumptuous meal @ my dad's and dad-in-law's fav restaurant - Spring Court Restaurant in Chinatown. Great for it's cantonese cuisine and Peking Duck!

In the evening, I hung out with my good buddies - Sam & Alex at a Pub just above the Changi Point Ferry Terminal (CPFT), I think it's called the Terminal or something. Really nice ambience...a nice quiet laid back alfresco joint. You can even catch the planes landing at Changi.

Saturday (30/6) - Oz vs Singapore Football Game @ National Stadium
You can catch DD's write up and some really great photos in his blog. We went as a foursome (DD, AC, Colin and myself) thanks to DD's friend who provided the complimentary tickets. Thank you! We had a great time shouting our lungs out at the Singapore team... of course we had to lose 3-0 to the Aussies. But hey, they played a nicer game in the end. There were some pathetic fireworks...outside water was banned and we'd had to endure some 4 hours without it since every conceivable water joint IN the stadium had a line as long as cars returning from the Causeway after a school's hols. We ended up at Barks Cafe in Changi after the game having some drinks and snacks...I was really dog tired literally.

I must say that I've experienced an amazing sense of Peace, that which only comes from God. A peace that surpasses all human understanding...

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalms 29:11

It's All About Her

It's always been about her.
It's surreal to think that she was just here, and now she's gone.
I can't even begin to think about her, or I'll start to tear.

She was and will always be everything to me.
She was my hopes encompassed.
She was what love was all about.
She was my reason for being.
She was my greatest friend.
She made me who I am today.

She gave me the opportunity to love, care and serve her unconditionally.
She taught me patience when hurriedness was what I was about.
She broadened my horizon to the finer side of foods.
She displayed true simplicity for a woman of this age.
She had a smile that could warm the coldest heart.
She had inner strength so great, it was hard to imagine what she went through all these years.

Now, all is empty...
All is silent.
Seemingly cold.

Shattered.

Not a word.
Not a shadow.

Two have now become One.

Obituary

For those of you who may have missed the obituary that appeared in The Straits Times, 26 June 2007. (Click on the pix for a larger view)

Joanne Has Gone To Be With The Lord Today

My dear relatives, friends, ex-colleagues, prayer warriors, and loved ones of

Joanne Kwan Foong Kuem,

please note that she has gone to be with the Lord as of 6:45pm this evening.

Wake will be held at: Void Deck, Block 113 Depot Road (Opposite HP Building, Depot Road)

Nightly Services at 8:00pm
Tuesday, 26 June (English)
Wednesday, 27 June (English & Mandarin)


Cortege will leave on:
Thursday, 28 June 2007 @ 3:30pm for Mandai Crematorium Hall 2 for cremation at 4:30pm.

NO WREATHS PLEASE, ALL DONATIONS TO BE MADE TO WESLEY METHODIST CHURCH, THANK YOU.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Cancer Is So Limited...

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.

- Author Unknown -

By His Strength

Since Wednesday, I think I've clocked about 8 hours of sleep at most.
Thursday & Friday was really tough as she was uncomfortable all round.

I should clock more today, cos' she's a little better.

Jo's Funny Side
The funny thing about my dearest is that even in her dreams and mild hallucinations -its about food. She was forcibly angry @ 3:00am this morning when she couldn't get her Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Ice Blended Mocha! Ha ha ha. And of course being the blur guy I am, I mistook this for coffee ice cream which she wanted. I searched the Net for ice cream from the local coffee joints but didn't find any and so in frustration I drove off to get the Haagen Daz ice-cream coffee flavour. Wow, she was upset that it wasn't ice blended and then it only dawned upon me then. By the way she was rattling off from 3:00am all the way till she got it @ 8:30am...amazing!

A half hour later, she asked for Slurpee from 7-11...somehow I shouldn't have gotten it cos' it didn't do her any good...sheesh!

I'm Bilingual

She's also taken to speaking in Chinese/Mandarin on occasion and this has made our communication more interesting. I'm effectively communicating to her in both English and Chinese these days, something I've not done before. Those who know me know how great my command of the second language is. God has a great sense of humour :)

The Fridge
Always stocked with Soya Bean, Ribena, Orange Juice, Ensure (Vanilla @ Strawberry), Lemon Barley drinks all in tetrapak form. The Freezer has 3 varieties of Haagen Daz - Vanilla, Coffee, Strawberry. 3 sticks of Solero and some Japanese ice cream Jessica bought.

Today (Saturday)
It's 2:48am and I've just cleaned her tailbone wound. Again totally exhausted. It was harrowing because I had to reason with her to lie a certain way if not it would be near impossible to dress the wound. Understanding that this was difficult for her too as she was experiencing pains in different angles. Always happens during my watch. I think I shouldn't have problems putting "Male Nurse" on my CV in the future. I will probably need to get her a bed pan. Her strength is being sapped by the day...going to the loo is too stressful for her and for me.

Pastor Wendy Watson and Wai Leng.
Both of them first visited us @ Ward 48 1 week back.
And since Wednesday, they've been my other "mobile comfort team" - not only coming by to share and pray, but to provide dinner:

Wed - Don Pies x 2 (Chicken & Shepherd's Pie)
Thur - Oxtail Soup and Bread! (Home made!)
Fri - Herbal Chicken and Rice!

Am truly grateful and speechless, but as I've said before I've learned to accept help and food...especially (wink!) Just kidding. Seriously I'll call if I need anything. Am no longer shy, in fact I've become alot like Jo - I'll tell you specifically what I want and you better get it!

In Gratitude

Laureen, thanks for the gifts.

My Oz prayer team: Dora, Steve, Kin Wai and Diana, thank you all for your prayers and concerns.

A Whole New Routine

Sorry for the delay, you folks probably knew it was an extremely tough week for me, but by His Grace, I've made it through in one piece.

Updates first...
Jo was resting fine from Monday to Tuesday, sleeping nearly most of the day. From Wednesday to Thursday, she was all uncomfortable and the worse part was that she began vomiting again.

Monday was really tough and I got bros from my cell group to come over to pray in the evening.

She also wanted to sleep in the living room sofa, which was quite a monumental task given the fact that she hardly has any strength. All this had to happen at 1:30am on Wednesday morning. I had to lift her up and put her down in my study chair which had wheels, then pushed her to the living room.

Since Jo doesn't have energy to lift a cup, we (Jessica and MIL) have to be constantly by her side 24x7. I've decided to keep a journal to ensure Jessica and MIL are kept informed on the past/previous days activities. The following is Thursday's account which was the toughest so far:

815am - Banana smoothie
830am - Vomited out
850am - Draining: 400ml
920am - Changed Duoderm dressing.
1020am - Vomited and brushed teeth
1130am - Nurse Tan came by to assist in realigning the cope loop extension
245pm - Vomited after Motilium
530pm - Vomited after MST (Morphine tablet)
715pm - Draining: 800ml
1000pm - Vomited after water
1030pm - Had pink ice cubes (made by Jess)
10:50pm - Toilet break
11:30pm - Vomited again. Changed top, pillows.

MIL comes in the mornings as mentioned.
Jessica comes over in the afternoon to assist MIL.
I typically will work from home mornings and leave for work/meetings in the afternoon when required.

Again, I thank God for their help since I'm at least able to catch up on sleep in the afternoon when needed.

Pastor Wendy Watson has been another God sent. I'll share more in my next entry. Okay, got to run, she's calling! :)

God Bless my friends and thank you for all the encouragement, kind words, songs and support across the globe... much more than us being a testimony, God had send you to us likewise. Amen.

Updates

I must apologise to all, but all visitations will be limited for now.

At this stage, Jo
- can hardly walk or stand
- is very weak
- is extremely tired all day
- she sleeps some 22 hours a day and wakes occasionally
- is on liquid diet as she's been on the last 2 weeks

The water is still draining quite well @ 2 litres per day.
We've also got a nurse and doctor (from the Assissi Home) that makes visitations at least once a week to oversee Jo's condition.

Jessica and MIL are here the next 2 days to help me with my busy schedule for this short time being. I just want to get through this week...

Please pray for His Will to be done in her life. Please pray for Jessica, FIL and MIL cos' I know it's extremely tough with them as it is for me.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Do I Trust You (Twila Paris)

This "oldie" is truly one of my favourites. Heard it back in my teenage days and it's never left my music bank since. So simple, so real. Twila's music comes straight from her heart from God.

Do I Trust You is our song, and I especially like the verse that says"I will trust you Lord, when I don't know why"

Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.

V&P

We first met P, a malay mother of four 3 weeks back when Jo was admitted into Ward 48. She was in the bed directly opposite Jo's. It was her first time doing chemo. She had lymphoma. As with all first timers, their entire families were present.

Just last Monday she was warded back into the same room as us.
She had come down with fever from her chemo treatment.
Her hair was dropping a fair bit too.

She kept asking what was with Jo and didn't understand when I said that she was off chemo indefinitely. Not that she had recovered, but simply because she could no longer handle it. Anyway, I kept a cool and cheerful face each time I spoke with her...to the extend I felt like a doctor, not wanting to give away the slightest hint of bad news. Tough.

She was always cheerful. This time, as the fatigue of chemo treatment weakened her...she was resting quite often. Her children were all grown up.

V
The day of our discharge was the first time I spoke with V.
She looked young. Youthful in fact.
I asked God why there were so many young people stricken with cancer recently.
I just can't understand it.

I had a good long chat with her that morning.
She'd just been diagnosed with lymphoma like P and was warded to begin chemo treatment.

So just when you think Jo and my life is tough,
V's just blew me away.
She's got a 10 month old and a wonderful family.

I can only find pure joy in the fact that she and her husband are believers.
Amen to that.

V if you're reading this, I know how very difficult it is for you and your family.
You need to remain ever strong and faithful.
Our God is always with us, that you must never forget.
He will see you through this.

Home at Last!

Jo woke up early this morning around 2:30am and told me she'd been having very strange dreams. Each time she would impersonate some character like an Indian Raja or Italian person etc. I can only assume that the lack of food intake and medication are beginning to cause her mind to play tricks with itself.

I prayed and ask Jesus to cast out all demonic influence in the ward and/or around her. We asked for protection over her thought life and her mind. We surrendered and submitted all these to God. We recited Psalms 23 over and over and reflected on Romans 8:38-39 on Christ's immense love for us.

Then she slept so soundly till Dr Leong woke us up @ 7:35am.

The cope loop still leaks after the stitching, though not very much. The nurse has attached a small bag to this area.

We hired an ambulance @ 1pm, after receiving tons of medication from the pharmacist, we checked out of the hospital...saying our farewells to our fellow patient friends and nurses we'd made over the last 1 week.

Back Home
We got her comfortably settled into bed.
Jo has certainly shed alot of weight.

For lunch she wanted "ice cocktail jelly", and so off I went to Henderson Crescent to get this from her fav stall.

For dinner, we made her a strawberry, banana+ vanilla Ensure smoothie. That's all she can take in these days. Solid foods are still out of the question.

Washed her up, took her medications and then read her a few passages from Streams in the Desert followed by reciting through our fav verses. She was soon off to sleep.

May our good Lord shower His mercy and love upon her daily.

Jesus Will Still Be There (Point Of Grace)

Things change
Plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise
Hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough...

Jesus will still be there
His love will never change
Sure as a steady rain
Jesus will still be there
When no one else is true
He'll still be loving you
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there

Time flies
Hearts turn
A little bit wiser form lessons learned
But sometimes
Weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough...

When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there

Finally...We're Goin Home...

I think we're going home, I pray we should be home the same time tomorrow when I blog.

The cope loop tube was leaking at the point of entry at the abdomen for the last 3 days and doc had suggested to make an additional stitch to tighten up the hole. They did this this morning and seems like it's fine so far, no leakage.

I was tasked to learn the dressing of the cope loop. This had to be done at least twice a week to ensure it was sterile to prevent any possible infection. The handwashing part of the preparation was enough to drive me nuts. There was a 7 step handwashing procedure which had to be followed religiously...and coming from a human bug like me...you can be certain it was just so so hard for me to follow. But I did!

Then you've got all this dressing and swaps and sticky stuff which you got to be so delicate with...a real challenge for me. The last time I did first aid was in the army and I nearly put my Sergeant in a state of shock.

Jo seemed better today. MIL came at 8.45am to relieve me and I went home to complete some work and run errands for Jo. She had mentioned that she'd like to try the Ensure Smoothie, so I went off to buy Ensure Banana and Vanilla flavour from NUH and Del Monte bananas from the Isetan supermart. On reaching home I threw a couple of bananas in with 1 pack of Ensure (Banana flavour) along with several ice cubes into the blender. Wah la! Banana Smoothie, Ensure style in no time!

I poured the mixture into a Thermos flask and served it to her and she loved it! I was really overjoyed that she could take this in. For starters, this concoction had at least 250 kcal per packet not including the fresh bananas. It was real good stuff for her. Also, she'd been retching the last 3 days for no real rhyme or reason. It's so mental that at the slightest mentioning of some sort of food, she would go into this retching mode.

She had a little corn soup from MOS this evening and further sips of the Banana Smoothie.

We've booked an ambulance to bring her home tomorrow at noon. Hopefully we'll be able to check out earlier.

Tomorrow is day 11, a new record.

7Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. 8You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. 9Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! 10Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. James 5:7-11

Not Out Yet

Jo was having aches all over last night.
Stomach still a little bloated mainly from air within.
Water is flowing well @ max of 2 liters per day.
This is done at gradual intervals throughout the day.

Doc just did her rounds.
Jo will not be out yet until this is resolved.
Doc said that they'll try to get out air and any stools stuck in her tummy.

I've no problem with this...though God has given us what a wonderful view from the Ward, I still miss home.

As for Jo, guess she was a little upset that it's not over yet.

Praise to God for a Living Hope - 1 Peter 1:3-9 (New International Version)
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

12 June 2007

Today marks our 1 week in SGH.
A couple more days and we would've set a new record for longest stay in any hospital thus far.

Jo rested well last evening.
No major situations.
Was very glad.
Gave thanks as always.

I was only anticipating that we could have been discharged today, but she had to stay for further observation. Just to be absolutely certain that she would be fine when discharged.

Water was released this morning measuring some 500ml.

Jo however still felt a little nauseous (thanks to DD and Jotan for highlighting the error), thank God she didn't vomit or retch so far. Appetite was a little better. Last night she had some duck noodles (perhaps the only edible item at the SGH kopitiam) and cheng thng plus etc etc. Today she had a little bee hoon and fav Solero lime ice cream.

May brought tomato soup and garlic bread. Kett as usual, brought sandwiches and bread from the Provence Bakery & Cafe at Holland Village along with chicken rice for me. Really nice stuff at Provence if you've not tried it.

Jo's stomach is still a little bloated, mainly from gas within. Dr Leong had suggested some sort of enema to release the air if it's still bothering her.

Well, a quiet day so far. Managed to steal an hour and half away to the office to complete some paperwork. Am really thankful for such a working environment along with an understanding boss and all.

3 patients were discharged when I returned to the ward. Only Jo and MIL was present. It seemed really strange to see a room devoid of patients except one. And just as soon as I'd said this, the beds were once again filled. Cancer is a no. 1 medical problem and I hope all of us will remain diligent in maintaining regular health checks for this.

The poor malay lady opposite Jo was in tears this afternoon after returning from an operation. It seemed that the doc had made an error (?) and needed to redo the procedure again. Just tried my best in consoling her and her husband with my limited but legible Malayu.

May God watch over all who are suffering and grant them peace.

Cope Loop - What A Success!

How should I start today's entry...?

It started off quite well. Got woken up by Dr Leong's visit at 815am. She said that the procedure would take place sometime later today and that it would be quick (between 30-45 mins) and pain free.

Jo was still mainly tired the rest of the day. The very painful thing however was that in the process running up to the procedure at 445pm, she was pricked over and over again, and that was just excruciating.

As you know Jo simply has insufficient good veins for any sort of infusion. The last 3 years of chemo have battered them near dry. So, the nurse said that they needed to do 2 things: a) Place a plug for the cope loop procedure b) take blood samples for a blood test.

When I heard this, I was about to do a double back somersault flip. But it was something that needed to be done...unfortunately. Her left arm is already bloated due to water retention and now her right was gradually showing signs of this too. The nurse managed to put the plug into her right hand but was unable to draw blood. The next best thing she could do was to draw blood from her legs! At first she tried her right, but since it was bloated too it was near impossible. Then she succeeded in the left. Arrghh, this was so painful for Jo that tears just started to roll...

The Procedure
She was wheeled into the op room at 445pm, and it lasted barely 30 mins. CS was with me throughout and it was great to have had his company. As I've said many times, God sents His people at the most opportune time.

She looked so much better when she was wheeled out and the best part of it was that she was smiling! My heart was just lifted. A thousand burdens released.

So she now has on one end - a tube attached to the right side of her abdomen and on the other - a plastic see through water bag with measurements up to 1800 ml.

I want to thank Pastor Wendy Watson and her friend for visiting and buying me Hock Lam beef ball noodles (the first ever from a Pastor :) Also Pastor Alvin for popping by during lunch. You folks are the best.

Angeline, CS, SC, DD & SL - thank you for just being there. Charmaine & Tim, thank you for your kind gesture, we will keep your families in our prayers.

After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:
"Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward." Genesis 15:1

At The Cross (Hillsong Live - Mighty to Save Album)

Mighty Morphine

Jo was in a lot of discomfort most of yesterday afternoon. The bloatedness was getting unbearable so much so that she was in a semi-fit - wriggling and moaning. Thank God this was resolved when the morphine level was upped one notch.

She is on Morphine infusion @ 0.5ml per hour. It was at 0.3ml originally.

It was helpful in relieving the pain in the tummy and at her bum. She's got a sore there caused by her sharp tail bone which she seats on daily.

Anyway, the good news is that she was finally able to sleep some 13 hours from 6:30pm yesterday till 7am this morning. Amen for that.

With more Morphine means she gets more drowsy and sleepy, but importantly the pain is kept at bay. They changed the drip from the left to the right arm as the veins weren't very good. In fact she now has a bloated left arm due to water retention.

Please pray that the cope loop goes well tomorrow. The bloatedness all around will be reduced, so with her left arm.

Thank you for your prayers.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Every Heart That Is Breaking (Twila Paris)

This song ministered to me this evening,. Just realising that we're not the only ones going thru suffering but millions over in the world are. Let us keep them all in our prayers.

For the young abandoned husband
Left alone without a reason
For the pilgrim in the city
Where there is no home

For the son without a father
For his solitary mother
I have a message

He sees you
He knows you
He loves you
He loves you

Every heart that is breaking tonight
Is the heart of a child
That He holds in His sight
And oh, how He longs
To hold in His arms
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Every heart that is breaking tonight

For the precious fallen daughter
For her devastated father
For the prodigal who's dying
In a strange new way

For the child who's always hungry
For the patriot with no country
I have a message

He sees you
He knows you
He loves you
Jesus loves you

Every heart that is breaking tonight
Is the heart of a child
That He holds in His sight
And oh, how He longs
To hold in His arms
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Every heart that is breaking tonight

For every heart

Ward 48

We've finally moved back to Ward 48 yesterday where it's "fan-con" and not air-conditioned. Thank God for that.

Ward 74
It was really impossible sleeping in Ward 74. Jo was stacked with 3 blankets and I'd been shivering trying to squeeze myself onto 2 chairs as my makeshift bed. Unfortunately our bed was next to an old lady who seemed to have a little dementia. She kept calling me "Ah Pek, Ah Pek" ("old man"?) throughout the whole day (and night!) while we were there, poor lady and poor me. I could barely catch a wink...it was rather eerie also when she did that at night. :)

Back @ Ward 48, the cheeriness of the nurses were quite evident and they instantly recognised us once again. The ward is extremely airy and her bed is right next to the window which gives us added privacy and view to a wonderful skyline at 8 floors up.

Jo had a good rest yesterday sleeping a fair bit.
She started on some corn soup and bread bits from the MOS Burger outlet along with her favourite Solero ice-cream. Doc said that ice-cream's good for her. Still not on any solids yet.

Her stomach is still bloated and her breathlessness correlates with this discomfort.
This morning she was in excruciating pain when they administered Senna. This was to aid her intestine movement but seems like it had the opposite effect. We were really glad that SGH/NCC has got Palliative Docs that make the rounds. 2 of them were present this morning to ensure proper pain management was done. Dr Kalit and his colleague explained and recommended another drug to resolve the stomach aches.

Abdominal Tap Done
Dr Tien extracted 2 litres from her tummy on Thursday. The largest amount so far. But it seems that the water accumulates very quickly as they observed her stomach over the short period after.

Cope Loop
We will be here at least till Tuesday. Come Monday they will perform the cope loop procedure on her. This is where they attach a permanent water bag to her lower left abdomen so that the water extraction will be constant. Us caregivers will also need to be trained on how to maintain this.

Back @ SGH

Yes, we're back @ SGH once again after yesterday's episode.
We checked in yesterday afternoon to Ward 74 since the Oncology Ward 48 was full at this time. Though this was sort of an upgrade we didn't enjoy it one bit because of the freezing temperatures! It's like winter here!

Anyway Jo's on a non-eating plan until her tummy fully recovers.
Good news is that the retching has stopped.

However early this morning there was another "episode" of breathlessness that scared me once again. After placing the plasma bag for transfusion, Jo suddenly complained of breathing difficulties. Oh no, not again...I prayed! But it gradually got worsed and a heart rate hit something like 150 bpm. After a dose of morphin and over 2 hours, she gradually calmed down...phew... Docs still don't have a conclusion to why this happened, but chances are she had a rare reaction to the plasma.

She's supposed to be transferred back to Ward 48 shortly. Just pray that its not a midnight move or something.

She'll need more rest, so don't bother visiting just yet...I'll keep ya all notified. Thanks.

Vomiting Blood

Jo had hardly been eating since Monday.
She's been nauseas, wretching, bloated and tired.
Her tail bone is hurting.
She vomited bile yesterday.

She now sleeps in bed in a near upright position,
over layers of pillow and relieve cushions.
She can't lie flat in any way for she'll become breathless.

Early just this morning, she was nauseas again and vomited blood.
My heart cringed and I went into semi-panic mode.
I prayed and prayed and prayed,
I cried and cried and cried.

We were listening to Pastor Benny's "Armour of God" (Ephesians 6)
He said that us Christians should not live a defeated life.
And then Jo said she was at Peace.
Peace with God.

For hours we poured our hearts out,
We reminised the past -
Of how we first met,
The happiest times we've had,
and of what was to come.

It seemed so surreal,
Like a really bad dream.
I told myself over and over again.
This can't be happening.

And then God spoke to me,
"He said all that which I have given and provided for you,
Is but entrusted to Your care.
You are the guardian, but I am the owner.
So take good care of what I have entrusted you,
For there will be a time I will come to claim it."

The "A" Team

We've had an incredible God sent team supporting us all this time.

First and foremost, father-in law, mom-in law and Jessica have been at our call 24x7.

FIL (at 74 years!) has been buying lunch regularly for Jo and myself. MIL has been dishing up her wonderful dinners nearly daily for us too. Jessica, has been getting all sorts of stuff and importantly cooking her first class chawan-mushi that's attained Jo's 5 star review.

Then there is the other support team (I like the term A Team better) working behind the scenes always praying, ever giving and unconditionally loving us. Just reflecting on this has made us feel so Blessed and truly loved. That's what Paul (the Apostle) mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12 isn't it, that the body is a unit though made up of many parts. Truly astounding when you see friends and family all garner together for a single cause.

Wow. Thank You God!

They have been doing the following:

- giving us a shoulder or two to cry on
- listening to us
- buying and delivering food (minestrone & garlic bread, japanese food, chicken soup, the list goes on)
- delivering CDs (audio sermons)
- running errands
- doing groceries
- coming by to pray
- ready to chaperone Jo @ home
- helping with our domestic paperwork
- donating platelets
- encouraging us through SMS-es and thru this Blog

Also, MIL had decided to leave her job to tag team with me to look after Jo full time since last Friday. I had suggested a week back while at SGH that I really needed more help moving forward and it seems she was glad to have me request this. Typically she'll come by as and when I'm out to watch over Jo. I am so grateful for that.

I know many more want to help and both Jo and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts. But really, leave me to contact you because we are not "pai seh" (shy) one. Trust me, when the time comes you will be "activated" accordingly and you better be ready :)

One thing I have learnt about being a caregiver is:
a. It requires stamina
b. It demands sensitivity

c. It involves help from others. Never trying to be a "Rambo"

God Bless and Thank you all.

In Christ Alone (Brian Littrell)

An all time favourite that speaks of our total trust in Him.

Chorus:
In Christ alone, I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross.

Verse:
In every vic-tor-y let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone.

Artist: Brian LittrellCopyright Credits: Shawn Craig, Don Koch ©1990 Paragon Music Corporation (Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc., 741 Cool Springs Blvd., Franklin TN 37067) CCLI song #841440

Our Journey: Scaling the Mountain

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be fine with you;And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,Nor will the flame burn you.For I am the Lord your
God."

We are now at the phase of our Journey where we're scaling a steep part of the mountain.

In fact we began the ascent, as I sit back and reflect, some 6 months back with the first occurence of Jo's back pain.

We don't know how much farther there is to climb before we reach the summit, but it's been lengthy and tough...really tough. At this point, we can't see all the way up but we can see quite a bit of how far we've come.

For those who know me, I've got a natural fear of heights or acrophobia. I don't know how this developed but it must have happened during one of the inter-island flights I took while I was studying overseas. So climbing let alone mountain climbing is the last thing on my mind and perhaps to me - a mindless life endangering activity which can be hardly considered as recreational.

April 19, 2007 - A night I'll never forget.

I usually never have Jo out of sight for too long, but this evening she had ventured into the bedroom and it was quiet for awhile. I thought she could've beenin the toilet, but I was sure I never heard any toilet flushing or water flowing from the taps.

I walked into the bedroom to check. The lights were off except for the glow of the toilet lights streaming into the bedroom.

There she was, huddled in a corner at the edge of the bed sitting on the floor, sobbing away...I rushed immediately toward her and gave her a hug as we sat silently. We knew each other's thoughts, we knew our hearts were strained and our tears were jointly flowing as if two streams coming together as one.

The reality is that her situation has gotten serious. In fact, it was serious since the recurrence in 2004.

Just last Tuesday morning, Dr Leong pulled me aside when she made her morning rounds. She told me that looking at the latest reports/results of Jo's X-rays and blood tests. She may no longer be suitable for the NUH clinical trial and to be prepared for the worst. It was bad news, but nothing all too surprising from the development of things over the past months...the bloatedness, water in the lungs etc.

That night, we decided to lay everything before the foot of the Cross - our fears, grief, worry, anxiety, thanksgiving and confession about everything we thought was hindering our walk with God. We got rid of things in the house that could be strongholds by the devil. We reaffirmed out Faith in Christ and it took off a whole load of our burdens.We decided importantly, to work on our Will too.

No, we're not giving up in anyway! Simply acknowledging the inevitable. It's extremely hard when you realise that Jo and I have dreams and hopes we grieve for:
a. not being able to retire together
b. not being able to travel/vacate to our favourite locations (mainly island beach resorts...with good sand and clear blue waters!)
c. never having kids (which we love so much)
d. not being able to be parents
e. not being able to check out foodie places that Jo loves

We continue to pray for a miracle daily. We believe that God is omnipotent and can accomplish what He wants, whenever He wants without any need for man's intervention. God can heal in response to prayer whenever He chooses to do so.

Can God heal? Yes! Do all get healed? No!

So the question at the end of the day is "what is His Will for Joanne?" And what does He desire for Joanne to accomplish through this? We need to be mindful that God's Will for us supercedes all things. Just as in the book of Jonah, we see Jonah running away from God because he didn't want to go to a far away land but eventually does so because of God. We don't have the answers but we've seen one thing for sure, that many are being touched by Christ in following us on our journey.

Having said all that, we aren't climbing alone for sure. We have a Master Climber that guides and leads us every step of the way, he knows every thing there is to climb this mountain be it crossing a crevice or scaling the side of a steep rock wall with no hand or foothold in sight.

We need to realise that sometimes the Master Climber may not always be by our side but instead ahead or above us searching for the right path to climb. However we are ALWAYS tethered to Him (with a rope) and He IS with us.

Ultimately, our lives are in the palm of God's hand. Whether we live or die, we are the Lord's (Romans 14:8) and therein lies our victory!

The Great Race (from Strength for the Journey)

“Run in such a way as to get the prize” 1 Corinthians 9:24

The month of June brings many sure signs of summer: the sweet smell of cut grass, soft breezes, picnics, fireflies, thunderstorms—and runners. This unique breed of humanity, forced to run circles in cramped indoor quarters during the North American winter, emerges with the first hint of spring and spends the summer dashing through neighborhoods and parks.

I have nothing against runners. Some of my best friends are addicted runners. Though I have never seen a runner smiling, apparently there is something fulfilling about it. I even tried it once, waiting for that surge of ecstasy that my friends told me I would experience, only to find that the ecstasy came when I stopped running!

So, whatever you think about running, it’s important to note that the Bible often speaks of living the Christian life as if it we were running a race. Following Jesus is clearly more than a leisurely stroll in the park! And the issue is not whether you will run the race. When you became His follower, you were put in the race. The question is not will you run, but how will you run?

So, here are three keys to running well.

First, stay in shape! I like Paul’s perspective in 1 Corinthians 9:24: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” In other words, you need to be in it to win, and, like any race, winning requires discipline. As spiritual runners, we must discipline ourselves in the exercise and dietary habits of prayer and reading God’s Word. Drinking at the fountain of prayer and digesting the food of God’s Word gives us strength and motivation to run and win.

Secondly, obey the rules! Like all races, running to win means staying in the boundaries. Paul committed himself to living his life by God’s rules. He did not want to be “disqualified for the prize” (v.27). As good runners, we embrace the rules and gladly submit to them.

Thirdly, run light! As Hebrews 12:1 instructs us, we are to lay aside every hindering weight and the sin that so easily besets us. What is it that distracts you and what is the sin that slows you down? Take them off and run light!

And finally, a couple more tips. Hebrews 12:1 also tells us to be willing to persevere. Our race is more than a few laps around the track—it’s a long-distance marathon. And let’s face it, this marathon can be stressful. Sometimes it’s the wind of life blowing against us—or mud kicked in our face from the runner in front of us. But whatever the case, runners that win never give up!

And keep your eyes on the finish line. Jesus is there! When you run for the honor and glory of His name, He reaches out with the victor’s crown and says, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

In my book, that’s worth running for!

YOUR JOURNEY…

Read 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.
Would you say that you are running “aimlessly,” or are you competing for the “crown that will last forever”?

Read Hebrews 12:1-3.
What things hinder and entangle you, and how do you intend to throw them off? What does Paul say to do so that you will not “grow weary and lose heart”?

In Paul’s parting words to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, he says that he is not the only one who will be awarded by the Lord. How does that encourage you to keep running for the prize?

Home Finally

Jo's finally discharged this afternoon, and we just got home at 3:00pm...phew!

Certainly glad to be home once again.

She didn't sleep well last night, must've been because I squeezed on the tiny bed with her :)

Nausea's almost gone, a little breathless but otherwise in much better condition.

She's now knocked out on her very comfortable Stressless Chair.

I'm gonna chill for awhile and blog a little more tonite.

God Bless ya all.

Platelets Needed

I've already activated some of you for the above.
And I know I would have many more potential donors if I'd call on the rest of you. But if you haven't gotten an SMS or call from me, don't worry it only means that we have sufficient for now. Thank you!

What are Platelets?
Platelets is one of the components of whole blood. Whole blood is made of several components including red blood cells, white blood cells, platelets and plasma. Each component plays a special role and platelets help to prevent bleeding.

What is Platelet Donation (plateletpheresis)?
This is a special kind of blood donation that allows for platelets to be extracted from whole blood. Whole blood is withdrawn from the donor and separated into its various components by a blood separator machine. The rest of its components are returned to the donor except for the platelets.

How does it work and how long does it take?
The procedure is exactly like normal blood donation/transfusion and requires about 2 hours to complete.

Why does Joanne need this?
Patients with cancer will need platelet transfusion to prevent bleeding. Many times during her chemotherapy treatment (and radiotherapy treatment) both cancer and healthy cells are destroyed, thus lowering their ability to prevent bleeding.

Also, Jo will be doing a small procedure next week to have a tube attached to her stomach so as to have the water drain constantly instead of having to come back to NCC regularly.

Is This Safe?
1. Yes. Each donation is closely supervised by trained staff who will observe you throughout the process. During the donation you will may experience mild side effects like a tingling sensation around the lips and nose. This is due to the anticoagulant used in the procedure. Serious side effects like hypotension and fainting spells are uncommon.

2. The donation does not significantly reduce the platelets in you as your body will replace platelets quickly. You should experience no bleeding problems.

Who can be a Donor?
a. Between 18-45 years old
b. Weigh at least 50kg
c. Must be of 0+ Blood Type
d. Be in good health (not sick) or have not taken antibiotics, aspirin or products containing aspirin or other anti-inflammatory medications for 72 hours.
e. Have good prominent veins on both arms.

Where Must I Go For This?
Apheresis Suite at the National Cancer Centre (NCC) is located at Ambulatory Treatment Unit (ATU), Level 3. Please obtain a set of screening forms from the nurses in the ward. If required, you will be issued with an excuse cert for time spent for screening and donation.

National Cancer Centre11 Hospital Drive Singapore 169610

Main Tel & Fax No Tel: +65 6436 8000Fax: +65 6225 6283

Operating Hours:

Mondays to Fridays - 8.00am to 5.30 pm

How do I Get Here?

http://www.nccs.com.sg/visitor/pb02_2.htm

Discharged Today?...No Tomorrow...

We'll be out of SGH today in about 2 hours time....and so I thought.

Then Jo started throwing up for the 4th time at 1:30pm and we decided along with the doctors to stay on for another day at least till this is resolved.

Yesterday's pleural tap part 2 removed some 850ml of water from her right lung. She's in stable condition, not eating much but definitely glad to have the water out.

Again, many thanks for the prayer cover and all who came.

Today she needs to catch up on her rest.

God Bless
Alex

Breathless!!

So here I am blogging from Ward 48 Room 20 of SGH...you can't even begin to imagine the ordeal that just transpired barely 24 hrs ago...

How It All Began...
It all started last evening at about 9:30pm. Jo said that she was tired and wanted to call it an early night. Since I was zonked out playing FIFA 2007 (PC Football game) most of yesterday afternoon, I too decided to turn in early. After she washed up and laid down for about 5 mins, she suddenly complained of breathing difficulties. I jumped up straight away as I realised it was not subsiding. She began clutching her chest and neck saying "very hard to breathe...can't breathe!" and I was at this point pale with fear and partially "brain dead". CS came to mind immediately (our "resident" Small Group doctor :) and I called him and he came running by to check Jo's breathing and heart rate.

After deep prayer for some 5 mins, her breathing started to improve and we thot we might just ride it out. Just then the breathlessness returned and CS contacted Dr Tien suggesting that we should check in to the A&E @ SGH.

Ambulance For The First Time
We called 995 and the ambulance arrived promptly and whisked us off to SGH. She was provided oxygen in the vehicle and it helped to alleviate the situation.

The wait at the A&E wasnt too bad and within 2 hours she had the last bed in the room and was resting rather fine.

Pricked, Pricked and Pricked...ahhh
Then came the unnecessary pricks to her hand which so agitated and frustrated me. I know it's not always easy finding the veins but pricking her 3 x to find a vein is ridiculous! Ok ok calm down Alex...(fuming)

In the morning Dr Leong did her rounds and said that the pleural tap (lung) and abdominal tap would be done soon after she was given an infusion of platelets. Dr Tien was present to carry out the 2 procedures.
The Procedures
At the end of the day, some 1.2 litres was extracted from the abdomen and another 730mls from the right lung. We thank God immensely for the successful procedures. The pleural tap was done by a needle pricking thru her right back between the rib bones accessing a small cavity area laden with water within the right lung. Doc says that the X-rays had shown some 3-4 litres of water present in both lungs. This is the very first time she's doing it.

If all is fine, Doc will extract more water from the lungs tomorrow. The colour of the water looks like beer.

After the procedure, she had her fav noodles with duck soup from the kopi tiam below. Ahh, what a relieve to see her eat...and eat well.

Again, I thank you all for your prayers and presence for those who came by. Really really appreciate it. We continue to hold fast that all will be well tomorrow. I reckon the earliest she'll be discharged is probably Wednesday...will keep ya all posted.

*SGH - Singapore General Hospital

Updates - 26 May 2007

Sorry for the long delay. Needed sometime off to chill and besides was rather busy too.

The NUH Clinical Trial Saga ... (driving me mad)
We will be @ NUH on Monday, 28 May to meet with Dr Goh and find out once and for all the exact trial timetable for Jo. What gets me all worked up is the inefficiency of the trial coordinator who keeps saying she's gonna call us for updates on this without ever calling back! That's the key peeve I have with NUH/NCI vs NCC, just can't understand how clueless they can get...

So to all, no the trial won't start this coming week, but rather sometime in June. I just hope it doesn't clash with CommunicAsia 2007 which I'm involved in.

Bloated, Bloated, Bloated
Jo's still feeling really bloated to the point that the water seems to be all over her mid abdomen area, thighs and knee area. Her feet and ankle are nearly always bloated as long as she doesn't lay them straight.

Just yesterday she vomited twice for no real apparent reason, once at home and the other at our Small Group...arrrgh, just hate this. God help us.

Marche's
We managed to go by Marches for dinner on Thursday and it did a whole lot of good for her. She had a bit of steak, rostie's, ham & cheese crepe and some veggie dish. She's hardly out of the house anyway since walking can get painful due to the bloatedness...pain in the joins etc etc.

Small Group
Last night we were quite adamant to attending our Small Group since we've missed it for nearly 3 months now, and Jo really misses this. From the moment we sat down at CS's place she was already feeling a little queasy. After her throwing up, we left at 10-ish.

Audio Sermons
We've finally seriously started our quest to listen to God's messages via audio sermons (both online & offline) since it's hard for Jo to go to church nowadays. After David's & CS's recommendation of Pastor Benny Ho's "Nurturing Your Inner Life" series, we decided to borrow it from our Church's AV library. It was great listening and after that we started getting hungry for more, so we tune back into our favourite site - Strength for the Journet @ www.rbc.org with Pastor Jo Stowell. Nice crisp and simple messages that last between 12-20 mins. What I do is that I run the player on my laptop (with wireless broadband), plug the headphones in and share it between the 2 of us. After the message, we discuss and recap the key points. It's helped mine and Jo's Spiritual intake very much now. It's like atteding Sunday service every evening, and Jo says that its the best time of the day which she looks forward to always.

You should try it too.

All Went Well + Makan @ Bluespoon Cafe (Ghim Moh)

Thanks for the prayer cover all! All went well. The wait was unbearable but hey, we're used to it now. While waiting for our turn, Jo's cousin (ah bing) & daughter came by to chat with us since they were in the area. It was good to catch up.

We got started @ 3:30pm instead and the procedure was done quite quickly due to the ever conscientious Dr Richard Yap, a filipino medical oncologist we've been seeing for this. Last time round the attending doc didn't exactly do a great job, but that's ok. Khatija (top right) is an expert at massaging the abdomen to aid the flow of the water.

After plugging Jo (top left) at the lower left abdomen, he let the water flow on its own - about 30 mins later he came by to manually extract the water into the drip bag with a large syringe hooked onto the "tap". This was very efficient although a little tedious (see second & third row pix) and went on for about 15mins until the drip bag was full of 1.1 liters of "yellow stuff".

Julia (senior nurse, top left) came by to plug Jo for the 100ml of Albumin/Protein to aid against the water retention. CS came by with food and prayed with us when we ended @ 5:45pm.

Bluespoon
Block 21 Ghim Moh Road #01-213 (S) 270021
Tel: 6455-6455
Open: 10am to 10pm on weekdays; 9am to 10pm on weekends; closed on Mondays
www.bluespoongourmet.com

The last time we came here, it was closed. Finally we've conquered it! We came here for lunch since the appointment time was about 3:00pm.

This is a quaint little outlet smacked right in the heart of heartlander Ghim Moh estate (directly opposite from the mini bus terminal)...though after serious contemplation, the owner's might have gotten it quite right since this is District 10 and Mt Sinai folks are just round the corner along with lotsa expats...good target market. Bluespoon is actually a restaurant or cafe if you like stocked with a frozen corner serving gourment food. You could take away most of their items on the menu! So what did we have? (Read the reviews from Asiaone)

Jo had her Lampchops (3 pieces for $11.90) and I - the Striploin @ $14.90. Ok to start of with, I didn't like skinny fries unless they're done the Russett Burbank style aka MacDonald's. I felt it was just too skinny and straight off from the supermarket packet. But, hey Jo likes it. :) My Striploin was quite tender but there was a constant mild bitter taste to it which I couldn't place a finger to...was it my numb tongue or what? There was salad and corn on the side too. Jo was ok with the Lambchops though the lamb scent was a little strong. We had coffee and coke with it. Go check it out.

Abdominal Tap - Part 2

Jo still feels uncomfortable with her bloatedness and she's decided that she wants to do the "water tap" procedure tomorrow morning (Friday, 18 May) @ NCC. The first time when we did this last Monday, she'd been eating a fair bit during and just after the procedure.

But somehow it didn't last long as you recalled.
So let's keep the Faith that tomorrow's procedure effects would be better. Amen!

We'll be in @ 11:30am to see the doc. The procedure should begin about 1pm and I reckon with all the delays we should be out by 5pm. The flow usually takes a couple of hours.

Botak Jones

I guess this column of ours has reduced significantly since both of us have hardly been out to eat except to ta pao (take away) food. Anyway, the renown Botak Jones has moved into our neighbourhood about a month back. The burgers are great especially the patties which aren't like your cookie cutter burger joints. The patties may not look huge but they are densely packed and ARE filling! I had the double botak burger...and man did I feel full. Many years ago, I could still finish the "U-Crazy What?" (Thriple beef patties, 450gm of pure meat!!)...man...I was younger than. :)

The pix from the top clockwise are:

1. Chicken Gumbo (Soup) - 6.00 (large)

2. Double Botak Burger - $8.50

"300 GRAMS (150gm per patty) OF HAND FORMED BEEF. ALL THE BURGERS ARE SUPPOSED TO COME OUT MEDIUM WELL, WHICH, IF DONE CORRECTLY, WILL LEAVE THEM VERY JUICY. IF YOU LIKE YOURS WELL DONE AND DRY, JUST GIVE US THE WORD" (From their online menu)

3. The boss himself??

"Exam Time" (May 15, Strength for the Journey by Jo Stowell)

“God tested Abraham” Genesis 22:1

In universities everywhere, mid-May brings late-night study sessions, caffeine-fueled writing binges, and ulcer-inducing stress as students are preparing for final exams—those critically important tests to determine how well the student has learned the lessons of the semester.

Let’s look at a familiar incident in the life of Abraham through that lens.

Genesis 22 begins by saying, “God tested Abraham.” In other words, it’s like Abraham’s big exam. And what is the test? God is about to test Abraham’s allegiance to the one true God in a most stressful way.

So let’s review: God called out Abraham to the city of Ur. Ur was an advanced culture and a highly sophisticated town, but it was rampant with idolatry. When God passed out this test to Abraham, Abraham was wandering through Canaan—yet another pagan, idolatrous region. And keep in mind that in pagan idolatry, the highest demonstration of loyalty to one’s god was to offer—you guessed it—your children as a sacrifice.

With that in mind, look back at Genesis 22:1. The text actually says that it is the God who tests Abraham. This is in contrast to those lifeless forms of wood and stone that were the idols of the pagan Canaanites. And it’s the one true God who comes to Abraham and gives him the following test.

Would the loyalty and allegiance of Abraham to the genuine Creator God match the misplaced loyalty and devotion of the surrounding nations to their false idols? The test is simple yet very demanding: “Abraham,” God says, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love . . . and sacrifice him.”

That’s the test, plain and simple. It’s a pass/fail exam with no room for grading on the curve. If Abraham obeys, demonstrating his allegiance, loyalty, and trust in the promises of God, he passes the test. If he refuses, he retains control over his son’s destiny, but fails to demonstrate his commitment to following God no matter what the cost.

Well, we know the rest of the story. In fact, it’s amplified and explained beautifully in the book of Hebrews where the writer explains that Abraham by faith obeyed, reckoning that even if Isaac died, God could raise him from the dead (Hebrews 11:17-19).

So what does Abraham’s test have to do with us? While God won’t ask you to literally sacrifice a child on an altar, He does often require the things in your life that are precious to you. Think about it. Isaac was God’s gift to Abraham. All of God’s promises were wrapped up in that miracle child. How easy it would have been for Abraham to love Isaac more than he loved God. Or to put it another way, to love the gift more than the Giver! The test may be the same for you. God always wants to know that nothing in your life is more important or more valuable than your relationship to Him. It may even be a sinful pattern that for some reason provides temporary kicks, comfort, or security. Do you love Him more than the sin in your life?

If by faith you can believe with Abraham that when God takes something from you, God will give something back in even better terms, then you will pass the test and give Him all He demands and all He desires. Whether it’s your money, your possessions, your career, your dreams, or even your children to His service—everything we give to Him is an opportunity to pass the test and in worship prove to Him that nothing in our lives is of greater value than His friendship and fellowship.

As you face the tests of this week, know that your Tester loves you deeply and is ready to help you pass, like Abraham, with flying colors!

YOUR JOURNEY…

What tests are you currently facing?

What can you learn from the example of Abraham to help you pass the test with flying colors?

James 1:2-4 also addresses the issue of tests. Based on this passage, what is God testing and why?

If you’re one of those people who has always dreaded taking exams, ask the Lord to change your perspective about His tests. Think through the reasons that He wants to test you, and trust Him to supply the courage and faith you need to pass the exam in a way that glorifies Him.