Come tomorrow morning, we will be off to NCC's ENREACH Retreat.
"ENREACH is a highly acclaimed retreat twice a year for patients and their families. After each retreat, participants tell us that their lives and relationships have been transformed. They take with them beautiful memories and valuable friendships to continue their journey."
Programme Highlights
1. Evidence-based Nutrition - Myths and Truths
"What should I eat to keep my cancer at bay? What extra supplements do I need while on chemotherapy?"
2. Traditional Chinese Medicine - "The real facts and does it work?"
3. The Law and You - "Are you worried about your financial matters? Drafting of wills and other legal issues"
4. Exhibition - "Medical information, nutrition to aromatherapy"
5. Support Group Sharings
We will be at the Plaza Parkroyal Hotel @ Beach Road.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Healer of the Broken
This devotional was written by Robin Dugall. (from www.crosswalk.com)
“God, if you would be pleased with sacrifices, I would bring them. If all you wanted were offerings, I would make them. But you want a broken and contrite heart, God. That is what You want... that is what you will never turn away.” Psalm 51:16-17
I love the song composed by Chris Tomlin, “This is our God.” I love the fact that, as my community and I sing it, we are in the process of “painting” a clear and accurate picture of who God is. God is a Refuge for the poor, a Shelter from the storm, a Father to the orphan, a Healer of the broken, a Fountain for the thirsty, and a Lover of the lonely. Simple songs like this do more than inspire our worship; they combat all sorts of inaccurate pictures of God. A lot of people don’t know or have never been introduced to the God that the Bible talks about. In other words, there are so many misconceptions about who God is. On the other hand, it has always been my belief that once a person gets an accurate and full picture of who God is, they will yield their lives to Him. You see, God is a God who inspires us to worship and serve.
One of the snapshots of God that means the most to me and many others is that the God we worship and serve is a Healer of the Broken. Brokenness is something that every single one of us has experienced in life. That’s why we need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is the Healer of broken hearts, lives, emotions and people. In fact, sometimes it is God Himself who leads us to brokenness.
Sooner or later, every person who wants to seriously follow Jesus must face the fact that God is going to have to allow something to break you so that you will let go of the stubborn vice grip you have on your own heart and life. In order for God to guide you the way He wants, you’re going to have to be broken. You are going to have to be broken from self-reliance in order for God to heal and restore you to the place where your trust and reliance is on Him.
Personal brokenness is God’s way of moving you into a new identity and a new life. Because God is the Healer of the broken, you can trust Him to put you back together when you’ll never be able to put yourself together on your own.
GOING DEEPER:
1. Take a moment and think... how much of your life do you withhold or even withdraw from God’s hand? How much of your life/your plans do you dare not relinquish to God?
2. How deeply are you broken? Where does God need to break you more?
FURTHER READING:
Psalm 51; Luke 14:25-35; Galatians 5:22-23
“God, if you would be pleased with sacrifices, I would bring them. If all you wanted were offerings, I would make them. But you want a broken and contrite heart, God. That is what You want... that is what you will never turn away.” Psalm 51:16-17
I love the song composed by Chris Tomlin, “This is our God.” I love the fact that, as my community and I sing it, we are in the process of “painting” a clear and accurate picture of who God is. God is a Refuge for the poor, a Shelter from the storm, a Father to the orphan, a Healer of the broken, a Fountain for the thirsty, and a Lover of the lonely. Simple songs like this do more than inspire our worship; they combat all sorts of inaccurate pictures of God. A lot of people don’t know or have never been introduced to the God that the Bible talks about. In other words, there are so many misconceptions about who God is. On the other hand, it has always been my belief that once a person gets an accurate and full picture of who God is, they will yield their lives to Him. You see, God is a God who inspires us to worship and serve.
One of the snapshots of God that means the most to me and many others is that the God we worship and serve is a Healer of the Broken. Brokenness is something that every single one of us has experienced in life. That’s why we need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is the Healer of broken hearts, lives, emotions and people. In fact, sometimes it is God Himself who leads us to brokenness.
Sooner or later, every person who wants to seriously follow Jesus must face the fact that God is going to have to allow something to break you so that you will let go of the stubborn vice grip you have on your own heart and life. In order for God to guide you the way He wants, you’re going to have to be broken. You are going to have to be broken from self-reliance in order for God to heal and restore you to the place where your trust and reliance is on Him.
Personal brokenness is God’s way of moving you into a new identity and a new life. Because God is the Healer of the broken, you can trust Him to put you back together when you’ll never be able to put yourself together on your own.
GOING DEEPER:
1. Take a moment and think... how much of your life do you withhold or even withdraw from God’s hand? How much of your life/your plans do you dare not relinquish to God?
2. How deeply are you broken? Where does God need to break you more?
FURTHER READING:
Psalm 51; Luke 14:25-35; Galatians 5:22-23
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Jo's 1st blog
Thanks to my dear hubby for finally setting up this blog. And since then, as you can see (and I can hear...frantic typing at all hours) from the many postings, he has been most enthusiastic about this project : )
Having a bit of writer's block here. If only I can collect all the thoughts that go through my mind just before I sleep at night and right after I wake up every morning. See, my brain has this strange ability to virtually 'type out' almost whole essays. It has 'written' complaint letters to restaurants with horrible service, rant-and-rave letters to Straits Times Forum Page, appreciation letters to dear frens and of course, potential blog postings about my life. But somehow, nothing gets printed or published, mainly cos I'm a lazy bum : (
Until now... Anyway, I'm really glad God has given me and Alex the strength to share with our family and frens about my illness. We couldn't have managed without the wonderful love and care you have all showered upon us.
Cancer has made me quite a different person. Somehow, I've become bolder and less afraid to speak my mind. But more importantly, I've become more reliant on God because at many low points in this journey, I just told God "there's nothing else I can do, please take over completely". I've learnt to wait upon His timing because sometimes He doesn't respond immediately.
I pray that God will bless me and Alex with the perseverance and strength to maintain and update this blog. And I also pray that at least a few, if not more, people out there will read our blog and be encouraged and blessed by it.
Having a bit of writer's block here. If only I can collect all the thoughts that go through my mind just before I sleep at night and right after I wake up every morning. See, my brain has this strange ability to virtually 'type out' almost whole essays. It has 'written' complaint letters to restaurants with horrible service, rant-and-rave letters to Straits Times Forum Page, appreciation letters to dear frens and of course, potential blog postings about my life. But somehow, nothing gets printed or published, mainly cos I'm a lazy bum : (
Until now... Anyway, I'm really glad God has given me and Alex the strength to share with our family and frens about my illness. We couldn't have managed without the wonderful love and care you have all showered upon us.
Cancer has made me quite a different person. Somehow, I've become bolder and less afraid to speak my mind. But more importantly, I've become more reliant on God because at many low points in this journey, I just told God "there's nothing else I can do, please take over completely". I've learnt to wait upon His timing because sometimes He doesn't respond immediately.
I pray that God will bless me and Alex with the perseverance and strength to maintain and update this blog. And I also pray that at least a few, if not more, people out there will read our blog and be encouraged and blessed by it.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Jab Jab Jab
Crazy afternoon today.
Finished my meeting and rushed to pick Jo up from Paragon at 2pm. Took blood at 4:15pm...got results at 4:35pm...rushed to level 3 to register at 4:40pm. Waited till 5:30pm before we got called up. Didn't seem too crowded today. Treatment at the Morning Glory suite, no windows but hey - we had our own personal TV! Watched some strange cartoon with 3 woman and magical powers...just incredible how cartoons have morphed so wrongly into nowadays, can't they stick to bugs bunny and tweety bird?.
Unknown named nurse came by within 5 mins. Tried a vein on the left side of her right wrist but unfortunately didn't draw much blood. So, we moved back to the original spot - the center part on the back part of her palm. Amen, all went well today. She had Kettle Honey Dijon and Mustard chips to go along with the Doxorobucin :) So all in all, she was jabbed 3 times today.
Finished my meeting and rushed to pick Jo up from Paragon at 2pm. Took blood at 4:15pm...got results at 4:35pm...rushed to level 3 to register at 4:40pm. Waited till 5:30pm before we got called up. Didn't seem too crowded today. Treatment at the Morning Glory suite, no windows but hey - we had our own personal TV! Watched some strange cartoon with 3 woman and magical powers...just incredible how cartoons have morphed so wrongly into nowadays, can't they stick to bugs bunny and tweety bird?.
Unknown named nurse came by within 5 mins. Tried a vein on the left side of her right wrist but unfortunately didn't draw much blood. So, we moved back to the original spot - the center part on the back part of her palm. Amen, all went well today. She had Kettle Honey Dijon and Mustard chips to go along with the Doxorobucin :) So all in all, she was jabbed 3 times today.
TCM
Jo will be having chemo at 4pm today instead of the usual Tuesday. We pushed treatment earlier so that she would be well to attend the EnReach retreat this weekend. We have been visiting the TCM @ Paragon also under Eu Yan Sang. They have a specialist treatment clinic there for cancers and other diseases etc. The TCM treatment provides medication to build up her immune system during the chemo treatments. She has to take 8 x Lingzhi capsules + 2 x Pien Tze Huang capsules per day, in addition to some strange powder drink 3 x a day. She really detests it...
Wesley Food Fair
We had a great time checking out the various food stalls on Saturday at our Church's annual food fair. She had the famous mee siam, waffles and some chap chay (Korean glass noodles) She had some appetite, however the fever bout started to return and we decided to head home.
Wesley Food Fair
We had a great time checking out the various food stalls on Saturday at our Church's annual food fair. She had the famous mee siam, waffles and some chap chay (Korean glass noodles) She had some appetite, however the fever bout started to return and we decided to head home.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Tumour Update
Back in 2004 when we first discovered the tumour had migrated to her liver. It measured an astonishing 9 x 11cm!. This located at the right lobe of the liver. After the aggressive "Cocktail" given, it was reduced back to 3.5 x 4.6 cm. That's the smallest it's been since 2004.
The last CT scan she's had back on 27 June 2006 mentions the following:
"The liver shows multiple hypodense metastatic lesions which show interval increase in size as as number, for example, the segments 7/8 lesion measures 7.6 x 8.6 cm. versus 5.8 x 6.8 cm. New lesions are also seen...small volume periportal nodes"
The size of the tumour causes stretching to the surrounding membrance & muscle around the liver area. There is a also referred pain to her top right shoulder area. So whenever she feels this come on strongly, she knows whether the treatment is going well for her or not. An interesting indicator...
Fever
Yes, since June she's been having fever daily. It rises to 38.5 daily and then falls back to normal every time she takes 2 x Panadol. The fever comes in every 10-12 hour cycle which means typically we can buy wholesale from the pharmacy now. The cause of the fever is tumour related. The body's trying to fight back the tumour and therefore energy is expanded. The fever causes the typical chills, sweat, aches, migraine and loss of appetite.
The last CT scan she's had back on 27 June 2006 mentions the following:
"The liver shows multiple hypodense metastatic lesions which show interval increase in size as as number, for example, the segments 7/8 lesion measures 7.6 x 8.6 cm. versus 5.8 x 6.8 cm. New lesions are also seen...small volume periportal nodes"
The size of the tumour causes stretching to the surrounding membrance & muscle around the liver area. There is a also referred pain to her top right shoulder area. So whenever she feels this come on strongly, she knows whether the treatment is going well for her or not. An interesting indicator...
Fever
Yes, since June she's been having fever daily. It rises to 38.5 daily and then falls back to normal every time she takes 2 x Panadol. The fever comes in every 10-12 hour cycle which means typically we can buy wholesale from the pharmacy now. The cause of the fever is tumour related. The body's trying to fight back the tumour and therefore energy is expanded. The fever causes the typical chills, sweat, aches, migraine and loss of appetite.
Friday, August 25, 2006
"I Don't Know About Tomorrow"
It's pretty amazing how God chooses to speak to us isn't it?
While driving back from work today, this classic hymn from Sunday School days came ringing back in my head. It was pretty amazing that I could almost recall the entire lyrics. Anyway the Nets got everything and I managed to find it:
I dont know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I dont borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey
And i dont worry about my future
For i know what Jesus said
and today He walks beside me
for He knows what lies ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I dont seem to understand
But i know who holds tomorrow
and i know who holds my hand
The lyrics are so simple and so perfectly sums up what God is to us. There is nothing more we can add or subtract in a situation like this, and there are many situations we simply cannot fathom or explain except to just learn... to trust Him.
While driving back from work today, this classic hymn from Sunday School days came ringing back in my head. It was pretty amazing that I could almost recall the entire lyrics. Anyway the Nets got everything and I managed to find it:
I dont know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I dont borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey
And i dont worry about my future
For i know what Jesus said
and today He walks beside me
for He knows what lies ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I dont seem to understand
But i know who holds tomorrow
and i know who holds my hand
The lyrics are so simple and so perfectly sums up what God is to us. There is nothing more we can add or subtract in a situation like this, and there are many situations we simply cannot fathom or explain except to just learn... to trust Him.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5,6
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Aug 22 - Chemo Treatment
I was wondering how we were gonna organise this blog since I want to recount gradually the last 6 years as detailed as possible and yet include our current events...so it may be a little messy but that'll make for an interesting reading eh? Stick with us!
Aug 22, Tuesday
I was gonna be late picking her up for her 4:00pm blood test and so met her at NCC directly.
NCC organises a twice-yearly 3D2N retreat called "EnReach" for cancer patients. We've never had time to attend this over the years and now have decided that we will:
Venue: Grand Plaza Park Royal
Date: 1-3 Sept 2006
Anyway, after waiting at level 3 for some 30mins our number flashed "1700". We walked pass the automatic glass doors towards cubicle 9...no windows arrgh but its ok. The whole treatment should last no longer than 15mins. The usual formalities, "Jo, IC number" shouted the nurse at the counter. This was required to double check that the label on the drug was for Jo specifically, very important that this was correct. Don't wanna take someone else's drug. After she sat down in the seat, she'd prepare her hand for the infusion. 500ml of Saline was always prepared as the medium for the drug. For the last 6 weeks, she's been on Doxorubucin. 20ml every week of this red dyed looking susbtance.
"Ouuuuccchhh!" screamed Jo.
I got a shock. The nurse had somehow pierced through her vein and now there was internal bleeding. He was trying to stop the bruise from forming any larger...sheesh! Thankfully all was fine after this and infusion could proceeed. Poor girl. Poked nearly every week over the last 2 years. Her veins are fading, frail and thin making each subsequent treatment a challenge for the nurses. In my heart, God was telling me "forgive, forgive" and I did. Nurses are human too although Julia always did an exceptional job. Julia used to attend to Jo till she was transferred to the neighboring Jasmine Suite. She was a 60+ grandma nurse who was so experienced that she could always find Jo's tiniest of veins.
Dexamethasone (steroid) is given along with Kytril (anti-vomiting) each treatment. Dexa helps prevent the side effects from setting in too early. That's why she usually feels worse only on Thurs to Fri. Doxorubucin is administered via a syringe. After this is injected we wait for the rest of the saline solution to finish and then we're ready to go home.
For Jo, each venture into NCC is like a nightmare. She can even start feeling nauseous when she begins thinking of the place...
Aug 22, Tuesday
I was gonna be late picking her up for her 4:00pm blood test and so met her at NCC directly.
NCC organises a twice-yearly 3D2N retreat called "EnReach" for cancer patients. We've never had time to attend this over the years and now have decided that we will:
Venue: Grand Plaza Park Royal
Date: 1-3 Sept 2006
Anyway, after waiting at level 3 for some 30mins our number flashed "1700". We walked pass the automatic glass doors towards cubicle 9...no windows arrgh but its ok. The whole treatment should last no longer than 15mins. The usual formalities, "Jo, IC number" shouted the nurse at the counter. This was required to double check that the label on the drug was for Jo specifically, very important that this was correct. Don't wanna take someone else's drug. After she sat down in the seat, she'd prepare her hand for the infusion. 500ml of Saline was always prepared as the medium for the drug. For the last 6 weeks, she's been on Doxorubucin. 20ml every week of this red dyed looking susbtance.
"Ouuuuccchhh!" screamed Jo.
I got a shock. The nurse had somehow pierced through her vein and now there was internal bleeding. He was trying to stop the bruise from forming any larger...sheesh! Thankfully all was fine after this and infusion could proceeed. Poor girl. Poked nearly every week over the last 2 years. Her veins are fading, frail and thin making each subsequent treatment a challenge for the nurses. In my heart, God was telling me "forgive, forgive" and I did. Nurses are human too although Julia always did an exceptional job. Julia used to attend to Jo till she was transferred to the neighboring Jasmine Suite. She was a 60+ grandma nurse who was so experienced that she could always find Jo's tiniest of veins.
Dexamethasone (steroid) is given along with Kytril (anti-vomiting) each treatment. Dexa helps prevent the side effects from setting in too early. That's why she usually feels worse only on Thurs to Fri. Doxorubucin is administered via a syringe. After this is injected we wait for the rest of the saline solution to finish and then we're ready to go home.
For Jo, each venture into NCC is like a nightmare. She can even start feeling nauseous when she begins thinking of the place...
Feb 2004
From Mt Alvernia hospital. We rushed straight to National Cancer Centre (NCC). It's been awhile since we went back... We first met up with our Radio-oncologist who after numerous scans and blood tests transferred Jo over to Dr Leong Swan Swan. We truly thank God that Dr Leong is really such a wonderful and nice lady. She's helped us in so many ways.
The Verdict: NPC Stage 4 with Liver Metastasis (aka as Cancer has spread to the liver)
The Cocktail:
Triplet Combination of Gemcitabine, Paclitaxel and Carboplatin followed by maintenance 5-Flurouracil and folinic acid in Patients with Metastatic Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma.
In short, this was the first of chemo drugs Jo had to be administered with. The above is simply put - a triple packed power combo drug to whack the crap out of the cancer cells...and whack it did!
The Verdict: NPC Stage 4 with Liver Metastasis (aka as Cancer has spread to the liver)
The Cocktail:
Triplet Combination of Gemcitabine, Paclitaxel and Carboplatin followed by maintenance 5-Flurouracil and folinic acid in Patients with Metastatic Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma.
In short, this was the first of chemo drugs Jo had to be administered with. The above is simply put - a triple packed power combo drug to whack the crap out of the cancer cells...and whack it did!
A New Beginning
We've been deliberating over doing this for way way way tooooo long, and today we've decided to stop procrastinating and begin journaling about our journey together over the last 6 years. We've always thought that Blogging was for the young and restless...but not so. Blogging is certainly a good outlet not only for ourselves, but in this respect for our friends and the community at large. So much can be learnt from other's experiences.
Journey of Faith is aptly titled because Joanne was initially diagnosed with Stage 2 Nasopharyngeal Cancer (aka NPC, find out more about this here http://www.nccs.com.sg/cedu/pt_04_5j.htm) shortly after our marriage in Nov 2000.
In Jan 2004, after our trip to KL to visit my eldest aunt who passed away, she began to complain of strange pains on her right abdomen and shoulder area. We thought this was just another muscle ache, sprain etc...after all how could Jo get any aches since she hardly exercised? Ok forgive me dear, I just had to. :)
However, the pain was relentless and was severe enough to prevent her from sleeping properly. She couldn't lie on her back but only on her left side. Taking a deep breath, coughing, sneezing and even laughing was painful...this was horrifying. What could this be? Then on Feb 5 we went to Mount Alvernia hospital for an ultrasound and X-ray on the advice of our doc friend (CS). The nurses on receiving the results and scans had a strange look on their faces that I'll never forget till this day. I immediately opened the envelope to try to make sense of what was going on. When I saw the word "metastasis" and further confirmed it with CS in the car - I did all I could to hold back my tears.
Jo knew and realised what that meant too...obviously.
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