Don't know why it happened
It's hard to understand
You give someone your heart
And then they're gone
Searching for a reason
We must walk through this season
Well don't give up just yet
A light is shining up ahead
Chorus 1:
If you need a pillow for your sorrow
If you need a blanket for your soul
If you need a place your broken heart can be made whole
He'll be your strength to face tomorrow
And when the night seems dark and cold
Fall into the arms that won't let go
Fall in to the arms that won't let go
Don't have all the answers
Facing tragedy
It seems as though the tears will never end
But through the dark you'll see Him
The one you can believe in
He's offering you rest
And a place to lay your head
Chorus 2:
I'll be the pillow for your sorrow
I'll be the blanket for your soul
I'll be the place your broken heart can be made whole
I'll be your strength to face tomorrow
And when the night seems dark and cold
Fall into the arms that won't let go
Fall into the arms that won't let go
You can rest here in my arms, I won't let go
(C)2001 Al Denson Music.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Happy Birthday Jo...
"My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long,"Where is your God?" Psalms 42:3
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" Deuteronomy 33:27
Its been difficult, very difficult.
Today she would have been 37.
I would have to once again surprise her with a special place to dine at. Usually it would have been at the Top of the M @ the Mandarin Hotel.
Our last birthday celebration was at the Ritz.
She always loved the Ritz. It's meant alot to us. We got married there on 11th November 2000, yeah a real interesting number 11/11/00. We took a simple 2 day 1 nite package for a Standard room and got a nice upgrade to a Club Level suite last year. Really nice.
She enjoys sitting at the Club Level munching on the different "presentations" that was served every 3-4 hours. Oh she could sit there the whole day.
And we did just that.
Enjoying the simple pleasures in life...great company, good food and a nice book to read. There was peaceful silence between us. At that time her appetite was gradually decreasing, that's why the bite size presentations was ideal for her.
Jo has always been to me - my epitome of "simplicity".
She loved food and that was very much it. She didn't need fancy shoes or clothes. She had a very big and generous heart too, giving of whatever she could to the Cancer Society and other charitable organisations.
(Ah its tough writing these, that's why I hate blogging now...the tears just don't stop..)
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" Deuteronomy 33:27
Its been difficult, very difficult.
Today she would have been 37.
I would have to once again surprise her with a special place to dine at. Usually it would have been at the Top of the M @ the Mandarin Hotel.
Our last birthday celebration was at the Ritz.
She always loved the Ritz. It's meant alot to us. We got married there on 11th November 2000, yeah a real interesting number 11/11/00. We took a simple 2 day 1 nite package for a Standard room and got a nice upgrade to a Club Level suite last year. Really nice.
She enjoys sitting at the Club Level munching on the different "presentations" that was served every 3-4 hours. Oh she could sit there the whole day.
And we did just that.
Enjoying the simple pleasures in life...great company, good food and a nice book to read. There was peaceful silence between us. At that time her appetite was gradually decreasing, that's why the bite size presentations was ideal for her.
Jo has always been to me - my epitome of "simplicity".
She loved food and that was very much it. She didn't need fancy shoes or clothes. She had a very big and generous heart too, giving of whatever she could to the Cancer Society and other charitable organisations.
(Ah its tough writing these, that's why I hate blogging now...the tears just don't stop..)
One thing for sure, her celebrations are on an even grander scale...and its a daily affair! Amen.
From behalf of us all my dearest, we love you and wish you a Happy Birthday...from our hearts.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Shattered (from Strength for the Journey)
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
If you had a chance to meet her, you would agree that the name we have affectionately given her really fits. She has a fantastic command of the world around her and a charming personality that makes you want to give her what she wants. And, of course, since “Cate the Great” is one of our grandchildren, my wife Martie and I delight in doing just that. After all, it’s a grandparents’ prerogative!
Recently Martie hosted four of our granddaughters for a special weekend tea party. Fancy invitations were sent, lacy décor was purchased, and I was banned from the proceedings. Cate the Great and her mother carefully chose an elegant wardrobe for the occasion, Cate’s favorite “princess” costume.
Cate came all the way from her home in Michigan with great anticipation of a regal entrance as “princess of the day” into the cultured society of her fellow cousins. It was to be her finest moment. Until we discovered that the dress had been left behind at her parents. Disaster! Cate’s world, as she knew it, was shattered. All her hopes, dreams, and aspirations to grandeur were left behind with the princess dress. She didn’t feel like Cate the Great anymore.
Martie could have launched into a timely exposition of how, in the bigger picture of real life, it was not all that big of a deal and that Cate should stop crying and realize that she would get over it and someday laugh at this little wrinkle in her world. Instead, Martie quickly proceeded to the nearest specialty store with crying Cate in tow to find another princess costume. Martie not only rescued the tea party, but helped rebuild Cate’s shattered little world.
We shouldn’t be surprised when God does the same thing for us. He “is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). In His grace, He comes alongside whenever your world becomes shattered—whether it’s shattered by your own fears and anxieties, or by disappointing events beyond your control. He could, of course, lecture you about the bigger picture of eternity and tell you to buck up and move on, but God compassionately comes alongside, allows you free access to His throne room in prayer, and listens to every one of your anxious thoughts (Philippians 4:6-8). Being the perfect Father, He never spoils or pampers, but lovingly offers every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). He is there, right now, waiting to rebuild and restore your broken world.
Your Journey . . .
Think of a time when you felt like your world was shattered. Did a friend or family member come alongside to help? Did you look to God for hope and help in the situation? Looking back on it, how is your perspective different now than it was then?
Is your life is shattered now? David faced great seasons of devastating disappointments and consistently resolved them with hope in God’s merciful and gracious willingness to be there for Him in times of crisis. Thoughtfully read Psalms 13, 27, 28, and 42, and take them all personally!
Do you know someone who is currently experiencing a shattered situation? What can you do to help restore their shattered world today?
Put this verse in your head and heart for the next time your life is shattered. “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation” (Psalm 13:5).
If you had a chance to meet her, you would agree that the name we have affectionately given her really fits. She has a fantastic command of the world around her and a charming personality that makes you want to give her what she wants. And, of course, since “Cate the Great” is one of our grandchildren, my wife Martie and I delight in doing just that. After all, it’s a grandparents’ prerogative!
Recently Martie hosted four of our granddaughters for a special weekend tea party. Fancy invitations were sent, lacy décor was purchased, and I was banned from the proceedings. Cate the Great and her mother carefully chose an elegant wardrobe for the occasion, Cate’s favorite “princess” costume.
Cate came all the way from her home in Michigan with great anticipation of a regal entrance as “princess of the day” into the cultured society of her fellow cousins. It was to be her finest moment. Until we discovered that the dress had been left behind at her parents. Disaster! Cate’s world, as she knew it, was shattered. All her hopes, dreams, and aspirations to grandeur were left behind with the princess dress. She didn’t feel like Cate the Great anymore.
Martie could have launched into a timely exposition of how, in the bigger picture of real life, it was not all that big of a deal and that Cate should stop crying and realize that she would get over it and someday laugh at this little wrinkle in her world. Instead, Martie quickly proceeded to the nearest specialty store with crying Cate in tow to find another princess costume. Martie not only rescued the tea party, but helped rebuild Cate’s shattered little world.
We shouldn’t be surprised when God does the same thing for us. He “is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). In His grace, He comes alongside whenever your world becomes shattered—whether it’s shattered by your own fears and anxieties, or by disappointing events beyond your control. He could, of course, lecture you about the bigger picture of eternity and tell you to buck up and move on, but God compassionately comes alongside, allows you free access to His throne room in prayer, and listens to every one of your anxious thoughts (Philippians 4:6-8). Being the perfect Father, He never spoils or pampers, but lovingly offers every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). He is there, right now, waiting to rebuild and restore your broken world.
Your Journey . . .
Think of a time when you felt like your world was shattered. Did a friend or family member come alongside to help? Did you look to God for hope and help in the situation? Looking back on it, how is your perspective different now than it was then?
Is your life is shattered now? David faced great seasons of devastating disappointments and consistently resolved them with hope in God’s merciful and gracious willingness to be there for Him in times of crisis. Thoughtfully read Psalms 13, 27, 28, and 42, and take them all personally!
Do you know someone who is currently experiencing a shattered situation? What can you do to help restore their shattered world today?
Put this verse in your head and heart for the next time your life is shattered. “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation” (Psalm 13:5).
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Surreal
Just like that
A month gone by
I still smell you
I still feel you
It's surreal
Surreal to think that
All this work and activity going on
Doesn't seem to make any bloody sense at all
Nothing at all
Living?
I merely exist
My battery keeps running
And I keep doing what I do
Why?
Dreamlike
Home?
No longer.
Just an apartment.
Wake up to an empty house
Arrive home to an empty house
Just don't make no sense no more
Just like a butterfly fleeting
30 days of agony
All seemingly fine
Like a dead cactus
You can't tell if its dead
Till you drop it
A month gone by
I still smell you
I still feel you
It's surreal
Surreal to think that
All this work and activity going on
Doesn't seem to make any bloody sense at all
Nothing at all
Living?
I merely exist
My battery keeps running
And I keep doing what I do
Why?
Dreamlike
Home?
No longer.
Just an apartment.
Wake up to an empty house
Arrive home to an empty house
Just don't make no sense no more
Just like a butterfly fleeting
30 days of agony
All seemingly fine
Like a dead cactus
You can't tell if its dead
Till you drop it
Thursday, July 19, 2007
90 Minutes In Heaven
Pastor Wendy Watson gave me this book a few weeks back.
If there's any book you should read, it's this!
It's been a great source of inspiration, assurance, comfort and encouragement to me.
You know even as a Christian we sometimes wonder what Heaven is like. And for those in bereavement like me, we desperately long to seek some affirmation/confirmation of where our loved one has gone too...we need so much to hear the reality of Heaven. Since our feet is always firmly planted on earth, the image of and idea of Heaven may seem distant at times.
This book has changed all that.
It's made coping much better.
It's put a smile on my face.
It's shown me what a glimpse of heaven is like... amazing as Don described.
Here's a brief excerpt about his experience and the book:
In 1989, Don was on his way back from a church conference when an 18-wheeler truck struck his Ford Escort head on. He was killed instantly - pronounced dead by four sets of EMTs (Paramedics)
In 1989, Don was on his way back from a church conference when an 18-wheeler truck struck his Ford Escort head on. He was killed instantly - pronounced dead by four sets of EMTs (Paramedics)
Shortly after the accident, a pastor from the same conference arrived on the scene and began praying for "the man in the red car." God worked a miracle and sent Don back to his now-broken body. To date, 34 surgical procedures have taken place. He walks only as a result of miraculous and in some cases medically unexplainable circumstances. During the time he was dead, Piper was granted the extreme privilege of glimpsing Heaven itself.
Don's experience in Heaven gives him a unique insight into eternity and a strong desire to tell others about Christ. His difficult recovery allows him to identify with the heartbroken and crestfallen, ministering to them with the understanding of someone who's been there. His goal is to help bitter people become better, to turn disappointments into divine appointments. He calls it "finding a new normal" and he's made it his life's work.
And I'd like to imagine as mentioned (in the book) that when I get to Heaven, there would be a welcoming committee awaiting, and as Pastor Wendy said - Jo would obviously be the 1st to run and welcome me...what a beautiful thought and scene...astounding.
I can't wait to get there...in His time.
Note: the book is difficult to find, you can check with SKS Books or contact me.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
He Makes Me Lie Down (6 July 2007 - Strength for the Journey)
Reading this a few nights ago was comforting. After the previous weeks' hectic activities organised by my ever loving and caring pals and family, I realised I needed time to just be alone with God and be by myself. To rediscover myself, and seek His direction for the future...
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:2-3
A pastor friend of mine was telling another pastor about the long-awaited vacation that he and his family were preparing for. The other pastor immediately replied, “Vacation? I never take a vacation. Satan doesn’t take a vacation and neither do I!”
To which my friend wisely retorted, “Well, that’s all right. Satan has never been my example!”
In the summer when school is out and the sun is shining, our thoughts turn toward vacation. And that’s a good thing! We were wired with an innate need to take a break from our usual pace and spend some time being refreshed and recharged.
But for some reason, we sometimes seem apologetic about taking time off or needing a change of pace for a little while. It may be that our internal understanding of a real “work ethic” demands that we feel a little guilty about time that we’re not being “productive” or “efficient.” Or maybe we are concerned that those projects and clients we have been carefully nurturing along will fall to pieces if we put them on hold for a week or two. Maybe we are distorting Paul’s words to the Ephesians, resisting vacations and working nonstop so that we can “make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16).
If that’s your brain strain, then let me put a biblical stop to that train of thought and provide you with three solid, straight-from-Scripture reasons to enjoy a guilt-free, refreshing time away from your usual pace of work this summer.
Reason number one: it’s commanded in Scripture. The fourth commandment tells us to “remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” (Exodus 20:8). That means more than just going to church on Sunday. The principle of “Sabbath”—rooted in God’s example through creation of resting on the seventh day—intertwines with the Old Testament law code.
There were not only to be days of Sabbath, but week-long festivals scattered throughout the Jewish seasons. In fact, there were Sabbath years in their calendar! God’s loving command was intended to pull His people aside for rest so they would be reminded that all good things come from Him . . . not from their frantic efforts at work.
A second reason why it’s a good idea to take a well-deserved break is that your body and spirit need it. I love the picture that David paints for us in Psalm 23 of a shepherd leading his sheep to a place of refreshment and rest. We are finite, fallible, limited creatures, and without rest we’ll find that burnout and exhaustion eventually take their toll. Our ability to be gracious, loving, and patient will be a casualty of our compulsive work habits. Fatigue and weariness will leave us vulnerable to temptation. And most disturbingly, our intimacy with the Lord will suffer as our time with Him becomes perfunctory at best, and nonexistent at worst. All that can be avoided if we allow our Good Shepherd to restore our soul with times of rest in green pastures and with seasons of refreshment beside quiet waters.
And just in case we need another reason to put our feet up and relax now and then, remember that Jesus did it! He often withdrew from the crush of the crowds to seasons of prayer and rest. During a storm on the Sea of Galilee He was sound asleep in the boat (Mark 4:38). And we are told that while on a trip from Judea to Galilee “Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well” (John 4:6). There were always more people to heal, more messages to preach, and more places to go, but Jesus displayed the importance of rest.
So, whether it’s a weekend of camping, a day at the pool, or a week away with close friends or family members, turn off the cell-phone, close the computer, and get away! There’s no good reason not to!
YOUR JOURNEY…
How has God used previous vacations and times away to refresh and restore your soul?
Do you find it hard to schedule time away, and do you feel guilty or fearful on vacations? Take some time to think through why that might be.
What plans are in place for you to follow through on God’s instruction about rest and refreshment? It may not be this summer, or even during the fall, but what about within the next six months?
The Week of 25/6
I don't even know where or how to begin, but here goes...
The week of 25/6 was undoubtedly crazy.
I wasn't really exhausted to think I'd about 8 hrs sleep in 4 days.
I stayed at brother's place since my KL relatives were down. It was just like old times when we'd stay up late and chat thru the nite over wine or coffee. Dad bunked over too. It's amazing all of us could squeeze into his comfy home.
Thursday (28/6) was the funeral and we had a nice thanksgiving dinner at Zui Fairprice @ Upper Thomson Road. For those of you who wasn't there. Click the link for the review by ST Foodies Club.
Friday (29/6) - Sea burial @ MSP.
We met Ricky (Hosanna Bereavement) at Marina South Pier (MSP), took an orange boat some 15 mins out to sea with Rev Alvin conducting the service. We had a nice bunch of friends with us that day. Thanks for your presence folks! We finished off again with another sumptuous meal @ my dad's and dad-in-law's fav restaurant - Spring Court Restaurant in Chinatown. Great for it's cantonese cuisine and Peking Duck!
In the evening, I hung out with my good buddies - Sam & Alex at a Pub just above the Changi Point Ferry Terminal (CPFT), I think it's called the Terminal or something. Really nice ambience...a nice quiet laid back alfresco joint. You can even catch the planes landing at Changi.
Saturday (30/6) - Oz vs Singapore Football Game @ National Stadium
You can catch DD's write up and some really great photos in his blog. We went as a foursome (DD, AC, Colin and myself) thanks to DD's friend who provided the complimentary tickets. Thank you! We had a great time shouting our lungs out at the Singapore team... of course we had to lose 3-0 to the Aussies. But hey, they played a nicer game in the end. There were some pathetic fireworks...outside water was banned and we'd had to endure some 4 hours without it since every conceivable water joint IN the stadium had a line as long as cars returning from the Causeway after a school's hols. We ended up at Barks Cafe in Changi after the game having some drinks and snacks...I was really dog tired literally.
I must say that I've experienced an amazing sense of Peace, that which only comes from God. A peace that surpasses all human understanding...
The week of 25/6 was undoubtedly crazy.
I wasn't really exhausted to think I'd about 8 hrs sleep in 4 days.
I stayed at brother's place since my KL relatives were down. It was just like old times when we'd stay up late and chat thru the nite over wine or coffee. Dad bunked over too. It's amazing all of us could squeeze into his comfy home.
Thursday (28/6) was the funeral and we had a nice thanksgiving dinner at Zui Fairprice @ Upper Thomson Road. For those of you who wasn't there. Click the link for the review by ST Foodies Club.
Friday (29/6) - Sea burial @ MSP.
We met Ricky (Hosanna Bereavement) at Marina South Pier (MSP), took an orange boat some 15 mins out to sea with Rev Alvin conducting the service. We had a nice bunch of friends with us that day. Thanks for your presence folks! We finished off again with another sumptuous meal @ my dad's and dad-in-law's fav restaurant - Spring Court Restaurant in Chinatown. Great for it's cantonese cuisine and Peking Duck!
In the evening, I hung out with my good buddies - Sam & Alex at a Pub just above the Changi Point Ferry Terminal (CPFT), I think it's called the Terminal or something. Really nice ambience...a nice quiet laid back alfresco joint. You can even catch the planes landing at Changi.
Saturday (30/6) - Oz vs Singapore Football Game @ National Stadium
You can catch DD's write up and some really great photos in his blog. We went as a foursome (DD, AC, Colin and myself) thanks to DD's friend who provided the complimentary tickets. Thank you! We had a great time shouting our lungs out at the Singapore team... of course we had to lose 3-0 to the Aussies. But hey, they played a nicer game in the end. There were some pathetic fireworks...outside water was banned and we'd had to endure some 4 hours without it since every conceivable water joint IN the stadium had a line as long as cars returning from the Causeway after a school's hols. We ended up at Barks Cafe in Changi after the game having some drinks and snacks...I was really dog tired literally.
I must say that I've experienced an amazing sense of Peace, that which only comes from God. A peace that surpasses all human understanding...
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalms 29:11
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
It's All About Her
It's always been about her.
It's surreal to think that she was just here, and now she's gone.
I can't even begin to think about her, or I'll start to tear.
She was and will always be everything to me.
She was my hopes encompassed.
She was what love was all about.
She was my reason for being.
She was my greatest friend.
She made me who I am today.
She gave me the opportunity to love, care and serve her unconditionally.
She taught me patience when hurriedness was what I was about.
She broadened my horizon to the finer side of foods.
She displayed true simplicity for a woman of this age.
She had a smile that could warm the coldest heart.
She had inner strength so great, it was hard to imagine what she went through all these years.
Now, all is empty...
All is silent.
Seemingly cold.
Shattered.
Not a word.
Not a shadow.
Two have now become One.
It's surreal to think that she was just here, and now she's gone.
I can't even begin to think about her, or I'll start to tear.
She was and will always be everything to me.
She was my hopes encompassed.
She was what love was all about.
She was my reason for being.
She was my greatest friend.
She made me who I am today.
She gave me the opportunity to love, care and serve her unconditionally.
She taught me patience when hurriedness was what I was about.
She broadened my horizon to the finer side of foods.
She displayed true simplicity for a woman of this age.
She had a smile that could warm the coldest heart.
She had inner strength so great, it was hard to imagine what she went through all these years.
Now, all is empty...
All is silent.
Seemingly cold.
Shattered.
Not a word.
Not a shadow.
Two have now become One.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Obituary
For those of you who may have missed the obituary that appeared in The Straits Times, 26 June 2007. (Click on the pix for a larger view)
Monday, June 25, 2007
Joanne Has Gone To Be With The Lord Today
My dear relatives, friends, ex-colleagues, prayer warriors, and loved ones of
Joanne Kwan Foong Kuem,
please note that she has gone to be with the Lord as of 6:45pm this evening.
Wake will be held at: Void Deck, Block 113 Depot Road (Opposite HP Building, Depot Road)
Nightly Services at 8:00pm
Tuesday, 26 June (English)
Wednesday, 27 June (English & Mandarin)
Cortege will leave on:
Thursday, 28 June 2007 @ 3:30pm for Mandai Crematorium Hall 2 for cremation at 4:30pm.
Joanne Kwan Foong Kuem,
please note that she has gone to be with the Lord as of 6:45pm this evening.
Wake will be held at: Void Deck, Block 113 Depot Road (Opposite HP Building, Depot Road)
Nightly Services at 8:00pm
Tuesday, 26 June (English)
Wednesday, 27 June (English & Mandarin)
Cortege will leave on:
Thursday, 28 June 2007 @ 3:30pm for Mandai Crematorium Hall 2 for cremation at 4:30pm.
NO WREATHS PLEASE, ALL DONATIONS TO BE MADE TO WESLEY METHODIST CHURCH, THANK YOU.
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Cancer Is So Limited...
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.
- Author Unknown -
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.
- Author Unknown -
By His Strength
Since Wednesday, I think I've clocked about 8 hours of sleep at most.
Thursday & Friday was really tough as she was uncomfortable all round.
Thursday & Friday was really tough as she was uncomfortable all round.
I should clock more today, cos' she's a little better.
Jo's Funny Side
The funny thing about my dearest is that even in her dreams and mild hallucinations -its about food. She was forcibly angry @ 3:00am this morning when she couldn't get her Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Ice Blended Mocha! Ha ha ha. And of course being the blur guy I am, I mistook this for coffee ice cream which she wanted. I searched the Net for ice cream from the local coffee joints but didn't find any and so in frustration I drove off to get the Haagen Daz ice-cream coffee flavour. Wow, she was upset that it wasn't ice blended and then it only dawned upon me then. By the way she was rattling off from 3:00am all the way till she got it @ 8:30am...amazing!
A half hour later, she asked for Slurpee from 7-11...somehow I shouldn't have gotten it cos' it didn't do her any good...sheesh!
I'm Bilingual
She's also taken to speaking in Chinese/Mandarin on occasion and this has made our communication more interesting. I'm effectively communicating to her in both English and Chinese these days, something I've not done before. Those who know me know how great my command of the second language is. God has a great sense of humour :)
The Fridge
Always stocked with Soya Bean, Ribena, Orange Juice, Ensure (Vanilla @ Strawberry), Lemon Barley drinks all in tetrapak form. The Freezer has 3 varieties of Haagen Daz - Vanilla, Coffee, Strawberry. 3 sticks of Solero and some Japanese ice cream Jessica bought.
The Fridge
Always stocked with Soya Bean, Ribena, Orange Juice, Ensure (Vanilla @ Strawberry), Lemon Barley drinks all in tetrapak form. The Freezer has 3 varieties of Haagen Daz - Vanilla, Coffee, Strawberry. 3 sticks of Solero and some Japanese ice cream Jessica bought.
Today (Saturday)
It's 2:48am and I've just cleaned her tailbone wound. Again totally exhausted. It was harrowing because I had to reason with her to lie a certain way if not it would be near impossible to dress the wound. Understanding that this was difficult for her too as she was experiencing pains in different angles. Always happens during my watch. I think I shouldn't have problems putting "Male Nurse" on my CV in the future. I will probably need to get her a bed pan. Her strength is being sapped by the day...going to the loo is too stressful for her and for me.
Pastor Wendy Watson and Wai Leng.
Both of them first visited us @ Ward 48 1 week back.
And since Wednesday, they've been my other "mobile comfort team" - not only coming by to share and pray, but to provide dinner:
Wed - Don Pies x 2 (Chicken & Shepherd's Pie)
Thur - Oxtail Soup and Bread! (Home made!)
Fri - Herbal Chicken and Rice!
Am truly grateful and speechless, but as I've said before I've learned to accept help and food...especially (wink!) Just kidding. Seriously I'll call if I need anything. Am no longer shy, in fact I've become alot like Jo - I'll tell you specifically what I want and you better get it!
In Gratitude
Laureen, thanks for the gifts.
My Oz prayer team: Dora, Steve, Kin Wai and Diana, thank you all for your prayers and concerns.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
A Whole New Routine
Sorry for the delay, you folks probably knew it was an extremely tough week for me, but by His Grace, I've made it through in one piece.
Updates first...
Jo was resting fine from Monday to Tuesday, sleeping nearly most of the day. From Wednesday to Thursday, she was all uncomfortable and the worse part was that she began vomiting again.
Monday was really tough and I got bros from my cell group to come over to pray in the evening.
She also wanted to sleep in the living room sofa, which was quite a monumental task given the fact that she hardly has any strength. All this had to happen at 1:30am on Wednesday morning. I had to lift her up and put her down in my study chair which had wheels, then pushed her to the living room.
Since Jo doesn't have energy to lift a cup, we (Jessica and MIL) have to be constantly by her side 24x7. I've decided to keep a journal to ensure Jessica and MIL are kept informed on the past/previous days activities. The following is Thursday's account which was the toughest so far:
815am - Banana smoothie
830am - Vomited out
850am - Draining: 400ml
920am - Changed Duoderm dressing.
1020am - Vomited and brushed teeth
1130am - Nurse Tan came by to assist in realigning the cope loop extension
245pm - Vomited after Motilium
530pm - Vomited after MST (Morphine tablet)
715pm - Draining: 800ml
1000pm - Vomited after water
1030pm - Had pink ice cubes (made by Jess)
10:50pm - Toilet break
11:30pm - Vomited again. Changed top, pillows.
MIL comes in the mornings as mentioned.
Jessica comes over in the afternoon to assist MIL.
I typically will work from home mornings and leave for work/meetings in the afternoon when required.
Again, I thank God for their help since I'm at least able to catch up on sleep in the afternoon when needed.
Pastor Wendy Watson has been another God sent. I'll share more in my next entry. Okay, got to run, she's calling! :)
God Bless my friends and thank you for all the encouragement, kind words, songs and support across the globe... much more than us being a testimony, God had send you to us likewise. Amen.
Updates first...
Jo was resting fine from Monday to Tuesday, sleeping nearly most of the day. From Wednesday to Thursday, she was all uncomfortable and the worse part was that she began vomiting again.
Monday was really tough and I got bros from my cell group to come over to pray in the evening.
She also wanted to sleep in the living room sofa, which was quite a monumental task given the fact that she hardly has any strength. All this had to happen at 1:30am on Wednesday morning. I had to lift her up and put her down in my study chair which had wheels, then pushed her to the living room.
Since Jo doesn't have energy to lift a cup, we (Jessica and MIL) have to be constantly by her side 24x7. I've decided to keep a journal to ensure Jessica and MIL are kept informed on the past/previous days activities. The following is Thursday's account which was the toughest so far:
815am - Banana smoothie
830am - Vomited out
850am - Draining: 400ml
920am - Changed Duoderm dressing.
1020am - Vomited and brushed teeth
1130am - Nurse Tan came by to assist in realigning the cope loop extension
245pm - Vomited after Motilium
530pm - Vomited after MST (Morphine tablet)
715pm - Draining: 800ml
1000pm - Vomited after water
1030pm - Had pink ice cubes (made by Jess)
10:50pm - Toilet break
11:30pm - Vomited again. Changed top, pillows.
MIL comes in the mornings as mentioned.
Jessica comes over in the afternoon to assist MIL.
I typically will work from home mornings and leave for work/meetings in the afternoon when required.
Again, I thank God for their help since I'm at least able to catch up on sleep in the afternoon when needed.
Pastor Wendy Watson has been another God sent. I'll share more in my next entry. Okay, got to run, she's calling! :)
God Bless my friends and thank you for all the encouragement, kind words, songs and support across the globe... much more than us being a testimony, God had send you to us likewise. Amen.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Updates
I must apologise to all, but all visitations will be limited for now.
At this stage, Jo
- can hardly walk or stand
- is very weak
- is extremely tired all day
- she sleeps some 22 hours a day and wakes occasionally
- is on liquid diet as she's been on the last 2 weeks
The water is still draining quite well @ 2 litres per day.
We've also got a nurse and doctor (from the Assissi Home) that makes visitations at least once a week to oversee Jo's condition.
Jessica and MIL are here the next 2 days to help me with my busy schedule for this short time being. I just want to get through this week...
Please pray for His Will to be done in her life. Please pray for Jessica, FIL and MIL cos' I know it's extremely tough with them as it is for me.
At this stage, Jo
- can hardly walk or stand
- is very weak
- is extremely tired all day
- she sleeps some 22 hours a day and wakes occasionally
- is on liquid diet as she's been on the last 2 weeks
The water is still draining quite well @ 2 litres per day.
We've also got a nurse and doctor (from the Assissi Home) that makes visitations at least once a week to oversee Jo's condition.
Jessica and MIL are here the next 2 days to help me with my busy schedule for this short time being. I just want to get through this week...
Please pray for His Will to be done in her life. Please pray for Jessica, FIL and MIL cos' I know it's extremely tough with them as it is for me.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
Do I Trust You (Twila Paris)
This "oldie" is truly one of my favourites. Heard it back in my teenage days and it's never left my music bank since. So simple, so real. Twila's music comes straight from her heart from God.
Do I Trust You is our song, and I especially like the verse that says"I will trust you Lord, when I don't know why"
Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
V&P
We first met P, a malay mother of four 3 weeks back when Jo was admitted into Ward 48. She was in the bed directly opposite Jo's. It was her first time doing chemo. She had lymphoma. As with all first timers, their entire families were present.
Just last Monday she was warded back into the same room as us.
She had come down with fever from her chemo treatment.
Her hair was dropping a fair bit too.
She kept asking what was with Jo and didn't understand when I said that she was off chemo indefinitely. Not that she had recovered, but simply because she could no longer handle it. Anyway, I kept a cool and cheerful face each time I spoke with her...to the extend I felt like a doctor, not wanting to give away the slightest hint of bad news. Tough.
She was always cheerful. This time, as the fatigue of chemo treatment weakened her...she was resting quite often. Her children were all grown up.
V
The day of our discharge was the first time I spoke with V.
She looked young. Youthful in fact.
I asked God why there were so many young people stricken with cancer recently.
I just can't understand it.
I had a good long chat with her that morning.
She'd just been diagnosed with lymphoma like P and was warded to begin chemo treatment.
So just when you think Jo and my life is tough,
V's just blew me away.
She's got a 10 month old and a wonderful family.
I can only find pure joy in the fact that she and her husband are believers.
Amen to that.
V if you're reading this, I know how very difficult it is for you and your family.
You need to remain ever strong and faithful.
Our God is always with us, that you must never forget.
He will see you through this.
Just last Monday she was warded back into the same room as us.
She had come down with fever from her chemo treatment.
Her hair was dropping a fair bit too.
She kept asking what was with Jo and didn't understand when I said that she was off chemo indefinitely. Not that she had recovered, but simply because she could no longer handle it. Anyway, I kept a cool and cheerful face each time I spoke with her...to the extend I felt like a doctor, not wanting to give away the slightest hint of bad news. Tough.
She was always cheerful. This time, as the fatigue of chemo treatment weakened her...she was resting quite often. Her children were all grown up.
V
The day of our discharge was the first time I spoke with V.
She looked young. Youthful in fact.
I asked God why there were so many young people stricken with cancer recently.
I just can't understand it.
I had a good long chat with her that morning.
She'd just been diagnosed with lymphoma like P and was warded to begin chemo treatment.
So just when you think Jo and my life is tough,
V's just blew me away.
She's got a 10 month old and a wonderful family.
I can only find pure joy in the fact that she and her husband are believers.
Amen to that.
V if you're reading this, I know how very difficult it is for you and your family.
You need to remain ever strong and faithful.
Our God is always with us, that you must never forget.
He will see you through this.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Home at Last!
Jo woke up early this morning around 2:30am and told me she'd been having very strange dreams. Each time she would impersonate some character like an Indian Raja or Italian person etc. I can only assume that the lack of food intake and medication are beginning to cause her mind to play tricks with itself.
I prayed and ask Jesus to cast out all demonic influence in the ward and/or around her. We asked for protection over her thought life and her mind. We surrendered and submitted all these to God. We recited Psalms 23 over and over and reflected on Romans 8:38-39 on Christ's immense love for us.
Then she slept so soundly till Dr Leong woke us up @ 7:35am.
The cope loop still leaks after the stitching, though not very much. The nurse has attached a small bag to this area.
We hired an ambulance @ 1pm, after receiving tons of medication from the pharmacist, we checked out of the hospital...saying our farewells to our fellow patient friends and nurses we'd made over the last 1 week.
Back Home
We got her comfortably settled into bed.
Jo has certainly shed alot of weight.
For lunch she wanted "ice cocktail jelly", and so off I went to Henderson Crescent to get this from her fav stall.
For dinner, we made her a strawberry, banana+ vanilla Ensure smoothie. That's all she can take in these days. Solid foods are still out of the question.
Washed her up, took her medications and then read her a few passages from Streams in the Desert followed by reciting through our fav verses. She was soon off to sleep.
May our good Lord shower His mercy and love upon her daily.
I prayed and ask Jesus to cast out all demonic influence in the ward and/or around her. We asked for protection over her thought life and her mind. We surrendered and submitted all these to God. We recited Psalms 23 over and over and reflected on Romans 8:38-39 on Christ's immense love for us.
Then she slept so soundly till Dr Leong woke us up @ 7:35am.
The cope loop still leaks after the stitching, though not very much. The nurse has attached a small bag to this area.
We hired an ambulance @ 1pm, after receiving tons of medication from the pharmacist, we checked out of the hospital...saying our farewells to our fellow patient friends and nurses we'd made over the last 1 week.
Back Home
We got her comfortably settled into bed.
Jo has certainly shed alot of weight.
For lunch she wanted "ice cocktail jelly", and so off I went to Henderson Crescent to get this from her fav stall.
For dinner, we made her a strawberry, banana+ vanilla Ensure smoothie. That's all she can take in these days. Solid foods are still out of the question.
Washed her up, took her medications and then read her a few passages from Streams in the Desert followed by reciting through our fav verses. She was soon off to sleep.
May our good Lord shower His mercy and love upon her daily.
Jesus Will Still Be There (Point Of Grace)
Things change
Plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise
Hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough...
Jesus will still be there
His love will never change
Sure as a steady rain
Jesus will still be there
When no one else is true
He'll still be loving you
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there
Time flies
Hearts turn
A little bit wiser form lessons learned
But sometimes
Weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough...
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there
Friday, June 15, 2007
Finally...We're Goin Home...
I think we're going home, I pray we should be home the same time tomorrow when I blog.
The cope loop tube was leaking at the point of entry at the abdomen for the last 3 days and doc had suggested to make an additional stitch to tighten up the hole. They did this this morning and seems like it's fine so far, no leakage.
I was tasked to learn the dressing of the cope loop. This had to be done at least twice a week to ensure it was sterile to prevent any possible infection. The handwashing part of the preparation was enough to drive me nuts. There was a 7 step handwashing procedure which had to be followed religiously...and coming from a human bug like me...you can be certain it was just so so hard for me to follow. But I did!
Then you've got all this dressing and swaps and sticky stuff which you got to be so delicate with...a real challenge for me. The last time I did first aid was in the army and I nearly put my Sergeant in a state of shock.
Jo seemed better today. MIL came at 8.45am to relieve me and I went home to complete some work and run errands for Jo. She had mentioned that she'd like to try the Ensure Smoothie, so I went off to buy Ensure Banana and Vanilla flavour from NUH and Del Monte bananas from the Isetan supermart. On reaching home I threw a couple of bananas in with 1 pack of Ensure (Banana flavour) along with several ice cubes into the blender. Wah la! Banana Smoothie, Ensure style in no time!
I poured the mixture into a Thermos flask and served it to her and she loved it! I was really overjoyed that she could take this in. For starters, this concoction had at least 250 kcal per packet not including the fresh bananas. It was real good stuff for her. Also, she'd been retching the last 3 days for no real rhyme or reason. It's so mental that at the slightest mentioning of some sort of food, she would go into this retching mode.
She had a little corn soup from MOS this evening and further sips of the Banana Smoothie.
We've booked an ambulance to bring her home tomorrow at noon. Hopefully we'll be able to check out earlier.
Tomorrow is day 11, a new record.
The cope loop tube was leaking at the point of entry at the abdomen for the last 3 days and doc had suggested to make an additional stitch to tighten up the hole. They did this this morning and seems like it's fine so far, no leakage.
I was tasked to learn the dressing of the cope loop. This had to be done at least twice a week to ensure it was sterile to prevent any possible infection. The handwashing part of the preparation was enough to drive me nuts. There was a 7 step handwashing procedure which had to be followed religiously...and coming from a human bug like me...you can be certain it was just so so hard for me to follow. But I did!
Then you've got all this dressing and swaps and sticky stuff which you got to be so delicate with...a real challenge for me. The last time I did first aid was in the army and I nearly put my Sergeant in a state of shock.
Jo seemed better today. MIL came at 8.45am to relieve me and I went home to complete some work and run errands for Jo. She had mentioned that she'd like to try the Ensure Smoothie, so I went off to buy Ensure Banana and Vanilla flavour from NUH and Del Monte bananas from the Isetan supermart. On reaching home I threw a couple of bananas in with 1 pack of Ensure (Banana flavour) along with several ice cubes into the blender. Wah la! Banana Smoothie, Ensure style in no time!
I poured the mixture into a Thermos flask and served it to her and she loved it! I was really overjoyed that she could take this in. For starters, this concoction had at least 250 kcal per packet not including the fresh bananas. It was real good stuff for her. Also, she'd been retching the last 3 days for no real rhyme or reason. It's so mental that at the slightest mentioning of some sort of food, she would go into this retching mode.
She had a little corn soup from MOS this evening and further sips of the Banana Smoothie.
We've booked an ambulance to bring her home tomorrow at noon. Hopefully we'll be able to check out earlier.
Tomorrow is day 11, a new record.
7Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. 8You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. 9Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! 10Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. James 5:7-11
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Not Out Yet
Jo was having aches all over last night.
Stomach still a little bloated mainly from air within.
Water is flowing well @ max of 2 liters per day.
This is done at gradual intervals throughout the day.
Doc just did her rounds.
Jo will not be out yet until this is resolved.
Doc said that they'll try to get out air and any stools stuck in her tummy.
I've no problem with this...though God has given us what a wonderful view from the Ward, I still miss home.
As for Jo, guess she was a little upset that it's not over yet.
Stomach still a little bloated mainly from air within.
Water is flowing well @ max of 2 liters per day.
This is done at gradual intervals throughout the day.
Doc just did her rounds.
Jo will not be out yet until this is resolved.
Doc said that they'll try to get out air and any stools stuck in her tummy.
I've no problem with this...though God has given us what a wonderful view from the Ward, I still miss home.
As for Jo, guess she was a little upset that it's not over yet.
Praise to God for a Living Hope - 1 Peter 1:3-9 (New International Version)
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
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